The following is a memo from the superintendent of the Mylar school district."A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely

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The following is a memo from the superintendent of the Mylar school district.

"A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school. Clearly, eating breakfast before school plays a role in reducing student absenteeism and tardiness. It is also well known that children who regularly eat a healthful breakfast tend to perform better in school. Therefore, in order to reduce absenteeism and tardiness and to improve academic performance in all of Mylar's elementary and secondary schools, we should provide breakfasts for all students before each school day."

In this memo, the superintendent of the Mylar school district recommends that all Mylar's elementary and secondary schools should have breakfasts plan for student to improve academic performance. To support this recommendation he points out a study examined among students which has shown students who have had breakfasts plan were less absent from or late for school than other students. He also cites that eating a healthful breakfast regularly will help the students perform their educational affairs better. Careful scrutiny to these evidence, reveals that it lends little credence to this argument for several reasons.

First, the author fails to provide sufficient evidence that in the study it have been merely the effect of breakfast plan in the school that decreased students’ absenteeism and tardiness. This decrease might have been due to the fact that when the students have their breakfast at school they have been already present at school. And therefore undoubtedly, they could not be absent or late for school. Without considering and ruling out these and other possible causes the author can not convince me that study substantially demonstrates these results.

Second, even if the results of the study are corroborated they can not be attributable to the students of whole elementary and secondary schools of Mylar. There is the probability that respondents of this study have different characteristics or tastes or special family situations which can not be ascribed to the whole students of the district. For example they might have family problems such as argumentative conflicts between their parents who can not concentrate on their children healthy nutrition and having breakfast before school. Without considering and ruling out these and other distinct characteristics of the respondents of study it would not seem reasonable to attribute their improvement to the whole students.

Third, the author unfairly asserts that eating a healthful breakfast regularly will help the students perform better in the school. Although I concede that having healthful nutrition would have beneficial effects on students’ health and consequently their learning, but it cannot be the only reason. There are several critical causes which deeply depend on the behavior of parents and teachers toward the children. For instance without wise parents and teachers who try to motivate and inspire children to do their best the educational improvement of children would not be guaranteed only by having a healthy breakfast.

In sum, the author fails to convince me that implementing the breakfast plan in all the schools of the district would be helpful in decreasing the students’ tardiness and absenteeism and in improving their academic performance. To bolster the argument he must account for other factors which might have influenced the result of the survey and also provides more dear information about the demographic profile of the study’s respondents. It would also be helpful to consider other factors that can have effect on academic performance of the students.

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Average: 9.3 (3 votes)
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Comments

argument 1 -- OK

argument 2 -- not exactly. Better to argue the samples: from 100 schoolchildren to all of Mylar's elementary and secondary schools.

argument 3 -- OK

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 480 350
No. of Characters: 2564 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.681 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.342 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.82 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 157 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 114 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.263 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.389 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.563 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.123 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5