"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys

Essay topics:

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

As mentioned in the argument a recent studies of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues of birth order on an individual’s level of stimulation i.e. firstborn infants to their younger siblings and pregnant mother monkeys to other female monkeys. Argument is purely created on some clues by studying eighteen rhesus monkeys that’s it; there is no mention of studies of eighteen rhesus monkeys including pregnant mother monkeys, female monkeys, first born infants and their younger siblings. Argument must have come up with some authentic and clear studies which can bolster the facts presented.

Argument states that effects of birth order on an individual’s levels of stimulation yet there are no facts presented about studies and results obtained by studying first born infants and their younger siblings. The study must include the statistics of stimulation levels of first born infants and their younger siblings in different situations like during conversing with elder known ones and strange ones; so that actual facts may clearly strengthen the argument.

Second point in the argument that firstborn infants creates twice as much the hormone cortisol during stimulating situations like encounter with unfamiliar monkeys; which primes their body for increase in activity levels than their younger siblings. The encounter with unfamiliar monkeys clearly do not present exact idea, like before fighting or during fighting or after fighting or just when unfamiliar monkeys are in sight. Also in case of encounters with other species of monkeys or other animals, the statistics of amounts of stimulation levels must be presented.

The argument includes one additional point about firstborn humans. But there is no further explanation and relation of stimulation of cortisol of firstborn humans and firstborn rhesus monkeys. The author says that firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of stimulating situations with example of return of parents after absence but this example does not seem supportive for the argument. Amounts of levels of cortisol in such situations and in situations when firstborn humans interact with unknown humans are not stated so somewhat this argument looks redundant. Instead of giving supportive study of firstborn humans, study of hormone cortisol stimulation in firstborn monkeys when they interact with their parents after long time could have supported argument more prominently. More experiments and results in each case may provide facts which eventually can support the argument.

Argument adds the point of hormone cortisol levels of pregnant mother monkeys are greater than when they are offspring. But this argument is supported by any experimental results or examples. Comparing pregnant mother with pregnant monkeys does provide support for the argument. Also the cortisol levels of pregnant mother monkeys when interacts with other monkeys of same or different species or the simple comparison of levels of hormone cortisol between them may present some facts through which the support for the argument will be clearer. First-time mother monkeys have higher levels of hormone cortisol during pregnancy, then what about other times or other pregnancies. More authentic research on this point will lead to facts which will support the argument.

This argument just states the results obtained from limited experiments and researches which is not enough to support the argument as a whole. Also more related examples and consideration of surrounding factors like the area of conducting experiments, its environmental conditions, the hormone cortisol’s initial level in humans and in monkeys and in which kind of situations stimulation happens and what rate. With the help of these results and facts only the whole argument will be supported.

Votes
Average: 6.2 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 39, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'study'?
Suggestion: study
As mentioned in the argument a recent studies of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clu...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ich can bolster the facts presented. Argument states that effects of birth order on a...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 422, Rule ID: ACTUAL_EXPERIENCE[1]
Message: Use simply 'facts'.
Suggestion: facts
...er known ones and strange ones; so that actual facts may clearly strengthen the argument. ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 280, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... does provide support for the argument. Also the cortisol levels of pregnant mother ...
^^^^
Line 11, column 144, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ugh to support the argument as a whole. Also more related examples and consideration...
^^^^

Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'first', 'if', 'look', 'may', 'second', 'so', 'then', 'kind of']

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.302215189873 0.25644967241 118% => OK
Verbs: 0.115506329114 0.15541462614 74% => OK
Adjectives: 0.121835443038 0.0836205057962 146% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0458860759494 0.0520304965353 88% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0189873417722 0.0272364105082 70% => OK
Prepositions: 0.150316455696 0.125424944231 120% => OK
Participles: 0.0427215189873 0.0416121511921 103% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.73736879099 2.79052419416 98% => OK
Infinitives: 0.00632911392405 0.026700313972 24% => Some infinitives wanted.
Particles: 0.00158227848101 0.001811407834 87% => OK
Determiners: 0.0696202531646 0.113004496875 62% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0205696202532 0.0255425247493 81% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0253164556962 0.0127820249294 198% => OK

Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 3824.0 2731.13054187 140% => OK
No of words: 581.0 446.07635468 130% => OK
Chars per words: 6.5817555938 6.12365571057 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.90957651803 4.57801047555 107% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.462994836489 0.378187486979 122% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.380378657487 0.287650121315 132% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.242685025818 0.208842608468 116% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.144578313253 0.135150697306 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73736879099 2.79052419416 98% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 207.018472906 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.382099827883 0.469332199767 81% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 45.2147674672 52.1807786196 87% => OK
How many sentences: 24.0 20.039408867 120% => OK
Sentence length: 24.2083333333 23.2022227129 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.071457529 57.7814097925 114% => OK
Chars per sentence: 159.333333333 141.986410481 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2083333333 23.2022227129 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.416666666667 0.724660767414 57% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.14285714286 117% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 3.58251231527 140% => OK
Readability: 62.246199082 51.9672348444 120% => OK
Elegance: 2.74561403509 1.8405768891 149% => OK

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.475872188588 0.441005458295 108% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.155319484117 0.135418324435 115% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.104498816816 0.0829849096947 126% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.565618891187 0.58762219726 96% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.168114807584 0.147661913831 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.176516439067 0.193483328276 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.118547111538 0.0970749176394 122% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.360753052112 0.42659136922 85% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.03740532006 0.0774707102158 48% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.300928679859 0.312017818177 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0659546713399 0.0698173142475 94% => OK

Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.33743842365 120% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.87684729064 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.82512315271 83% => OK
Positive topic words: 7.0 6.46551724138 108% => OK
Negative topic words: 6.0 5.36822660099 112% => OK
Neutral topic words: 0.0 2.82389162562 0% => More neutral topic words wanted.
Total topic words: 13.0 14.657635468 89% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

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Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.