Argument Essay-->A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstbor

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Argument Essay-->

A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring....

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

The author’s argument that effects of birth order vary monkey individual’s level of stimulation seems to be tenable at first glance. However, the conclusion relies on assumptions for which there are no clear evidences.

To begin with, author told that that in stimulating situation first born infant monkey produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol as compared to their younger siblings. However, it relies on insufficient evidences like it is difficult to justify something on the basis of a study of eighteen rhesus monkeys that they have more hormone cortisol as compare to their younger siblings. There can be a possibility that the monkeys chosen for study are medically fit as compare to their younger siblings. If monkey’s siblings are suffering from some disease then it is difficult for them to behave in the same way as those eighteen rhesus monkeys used for study purpose.

In addition to it, author also provided an argument that first born humans also produce high levels of cortisols in stimulating situation, however, on the basis of this argument it is difficult to consider that rhesus monkey also produce more cortisols in stimulating situation. As everybody knows that according to life cycle human is related to monkey but it is inappropriate to compare the knowledge level, mind development and behavior of human with a monkey. It is undeniable that brain controls the activity level and hormone secretion and today human brain is more developed than a monkey. Humans has control on their emotions, temper etc. which a monkey does not have. They are more destructive as compare to human. So monkeys are different as compare to humans.

Furthermore, author’s argument that first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring is based on lack of evidences as there could be a possibility that at the time of pregnancy a first–time monkey mother produces cortisol automatically. It should be some activity which a first-time monkey mother does at the time of pregnancy. It can be considered that while pregnancy her brain leads to increase the activity level of her body. Here, author did not provide any evidence describing the proper reason for higher levels of cortisols.

In conclusion, writer may not necessarily be wrong to assert that in stimulating situation infant rhesus monkey produce higher levels of hormone cortisols. But this argument provided by author is not substantiated with enough evidences. It is inappropriate to consider something for whole monkey community on the basis of studying only 18 monkeys of specific species. To bolster the argument, author has to submit more conclusive evidences which highlight the proper reason behind higher level of hormone cortisols more manifestly.

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Sentence: To begin with, author told that that in stimulating situation first born infant monkey produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol as compared to their younger siblings.
Description: The fragment that that contains a repeated word
Suggestion: Delete a possible duplicate word:

Sentence: However, it relies on insufficient evidences like it is difficult to justify something on the basis of a study of eighteen rhesus monkeys that they have more hormone cortisol as compare to their younger siblings.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare

Sentence: There can be a possibility that the monkeys chosen for study are medically fit as compare to their younger siblings.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare

Sentence: They are more destructive as compare to human.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare

Sentence: So monkeys are different as compare to humans.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and compare

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 451 350
No. of Characters: 2298 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.608 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.095 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.716 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 185 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 96 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.55 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.375 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.547 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.125 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5