You are hereArgument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant

Argument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant


sheepfei199184's picture

By sheepfei199184 - Posted on 20 April 2012

Essay topic: 

Argument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce upto twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.

The author of the letter introduction a investigate result which perhaps reveal impact of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. To support the claim, the author cites three examples about the firstborn infant,firstborn humans and first-time mother monkey sequentially to prove that a positive relationship may be exists with birth order and the level of the hormone cortiso. Close scrutiny of each of the evidence, however, none of them is credible.

First at all, as for the first example, producing twice as much of the hormone cortisol doesn't indicate that there is a relation with birth order and the level of hormone,perhaps it may be caused by other factors such as gender:as I know,monkeys of different gender will have different level of hormone even if they share the same circumstance. According to it,there is a flaw in the research that it doesn't remind gender and so that they can't rule out a following situation that all the first infant monkeys in experiment are female who will actually secrete more hormones. Even if they are not first infant,they can also produce the highest level of hormones. In short, the factors that have impact on the level of stimulation may be monkey's gender rather than birth order.

Second, about the firstborn humans, the experiment is also not credible.It's entirely possible that the firstborn infant doesn't have playmates at home, so parents are their only friends. After a period time doesn't see their parents, they will be so excited and then produce more hormones when parents come home. On the contrast, as for the later born infant, they use to play with their sisters or brothers,so maybe they don't mind whether their parents are at home or not.

Third, about the last experiment, the author assume unfairly that first-time mother monkeys who have higher levels of hormone will delivery an infant monkey that also have relatively more hormone. However, the author use no evidence to support the assumption.Lacking such evidence it is equally possible that the hormone level of mothers don't influence the offspring's. Thus, the author 's claim is not credible.

In sum, all these three examples can't attest the relationship with birth order and the level of hormone of cortiso.The results from the experiments may be influent by other factors,such as gender. So to strength the claim, the author should rule out all other possible factors.

Average: 6.4 (26 votes)
Tags
More essays by this user:
Looking for speaking partner/tutor/chat? Join the instant conversation now!
    
Something about you
Choose a nickname and enter at least one ID (Skype, MSN, QQ, ICQ or Yahoo) if you want to be listed!
Registered users only
Loading...
(71 users watching; 1 users on the list)
People online
Nickname Sex L Country Favorite topics Contact

The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities."Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our warehouse piyus
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure yjc1989
GRE Issue 24 The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin baobao10026
Laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances,times and places. igniter56
Progress should be the aim of any great society. People too often cling unnecessarily to obsolete ways of thinking and acting because of both a high comfort level and a fear of the unknown. maryam2900
All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary. kavyashree
The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner. "Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Centra apurva sticky icon
The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government,industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree parul
Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food processing companies have also adding salicylates in food as pres shalukapil
The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava."The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students en galitb84

Term
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning. - GRE Issue 119 six11 GMAT/GRE
Students should always question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing a Thupten Tsering GMAT/GRE
Television is entirely democratic in that its content is controlled by what the people want. angel GMAT/GRE
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks ar cuijin1 sticky icon GMAT/GRE
Argument Essay:->The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures smartaquarius10 GMAT/GRE
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks ar aaish GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. wasainika17 GMAT/GRE
people need rituals and ceremonies. If they didn't exist people would make them eventually. nargess1981 GMAT/GRE
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate shalukapil GMAT/GRE
Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position shiva jab GMAT/GRE

Term
The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants."Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little im ramzi GMAT/GRE Argument Task
All parents should be required to volunteer time to their children's schools.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and suppor Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting ramzi GMAT/GRE Issue Task
People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting omeralamgir GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station."To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth i ramzi GMAT/GRE Argument Task
"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with omeralamgir GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and su omeralamgir GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Colleges and universities should require all faculty to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the posit Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of theBalmer Island Gazette."On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involvi Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Argument Task

The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station."To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth i ramzi GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of theBalmer Island Gazette."On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involvi Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Argument Task
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. Han-Yi Chou GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants."Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little im ramzi GMAT/GRE Argument Task
All parents should be required to volunteer time to their children's schools.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with omeralamgir GMAT/GRE Argument Task
It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting ramzi GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station."Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this time period, most of the comp Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and su omeralamgir GMAT/GRE Issue Task
No field of study can advance significantly unless it incorporates knowledge and experience from outside that field.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the posit ramzi GMAT/GRE Issue Task
essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: However, the author use no evidence to support the assumption.Lacking such evidence it is equally possible that the hormone level of mothers don't influence the offspring's. Thus, the author 's claim is not credible.
Description: The fragment author use no is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace use with verb, past tense

Sentence: To support the claim, the author cites three examples about the firstborn infant,firstborn humans and first-time mother monkey sequentially to prove that a positive relationship may be exists with birth order and the level of the hormone cortiso.
Error: cortiso Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: firstborn Suggestion: first born
Error: first-time Suggestion: first time

Sentence: Second, about the firstborn humans, the experiment is also not credible.It's entirely possible that the firstborn infant doesn't have playmates at home, so parents are their only friends.
Error: doesn't Suggestion: does not
Error: firstborn Suggestion: first born

flaws:
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 1970 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.77 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.439 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.844 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.384 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.646 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.106 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.