You are hereArgument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant

Argument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant


sheepfei199184's picture

By sheepfei199184 - Posted on 20 April 2012

Essay topic: 

Argument: recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce upto twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.

The author of the letter introduction a investigate result which perhaps reveal impact of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. To support the claim, the author cites three examples about the firstborn infant,firstborn humans and first-time mother monkey sequentially to prove that a positive relationship may be exists with birth order and the level of the hormone cortiso. Close scrutiny of each of the evidence, however, none of them is credible.

First at all, as for the first example, producing twice as much of the hormone cortisol doesn't indicate that there is a relation with birth order and the level of hormone,perhaps it may be caused by other factors such as gender:as I know,monkeys of different gender will have different level of hormone even if they share the same circumstance. According to it,there is a flaw in the research that it doesn't remind gender and so that they can't rule out a following situation that all the first infant monkeys in experiment are female who will actually secrete more hormones. Even if they are not first infant,they can also produce the highest level of hormones. In short, the factors that have impact on the level of stimulation may be monkey's gender rather than birth order.

Second, about the firstborn humans, the experiment is also not credible.It's entirely possible that the firstborn infant doesn't have playmates at home, so parents are their only friends. After a period time doesn't see their parents, they will be so excited and then produce more hormones when parents come home. On the contrast, as for the later born infant, they use to play with their sisters or brothers,so maybe they don't mind whether their parents are at home or not.

Third, about the last experiment, the author assume unfairly that first-time mother monkeys who have higher levels of hormone will delivery an infant monkey that also have relatively more hormone. However, the author use no evidence to support the assumption.Lacking such evidence it is equally possible that the hormone level of mothers don't influence the offspring's. Thus, the author 's claim is not credible.

In sum, all these three examples can't attest the relationship with birth order and the level of hormone of cortiso.The results from the experiments may be influent by other factors,such as gender. So to strength the claim, the author should rule out all other possible factors.

Average: 6.4 (26 votes)
Tags
More essays by this user:
Looking for speaking partner/tutor/chat? Join the instant conversation now!
    
Something about you
Choose a nickname and enter at least one ID (Skype, MSN, QQ, ICQ or Yahoo) if you want to be listed!
Registered users only
Loading...
(109 users watching; 1 users on the list)
People online
Nickname Sex L Country Favorite topics Contact

The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company."According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any Agata
Governments should offer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to a university but who cannot afford the tuition dhanu
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities. amehim
A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. divstaur89 sticky icon
113. Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to w aschocolate sticky icon
The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station."Over the past year, our late­night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this period, most of the complaint aesulapiuuss sticky icon
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoni vishnu kay
Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, b spicygirl sticky icon
"Despite opposition from some residents of West Roseville, the arguments in favor of merging the townships of Hamden and North Hamden are overwhelming. First, residents in both townships are confused about which authority to contact when they need a servi Aru
A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. parul788

Term
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning. - GRE Issue 119 six11 GMAT/GRE
Argument Essay:->The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures smartaquarius10 GMAT/GRE
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks ar cuijin1 sticky icon GMAT/GRE
Television is entirely democratic in that its content is controlled by what the people want. angel GMAT/GRE
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of marketing at Dura-Sock, Inc."A recent study of our customers suggests that our company is wasting the money it spends on its patented Endure manufacturing process, which ensures that our socks ar aaish GMAT/GRE Argument Task
A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. aloha871111 GMAT/GRE
Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. wasainika17 GMAT/GRE
Students should always question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing a Thupten Tsering GMAT/GRE
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. f26194572 GMAT/GRE
A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. patil.akh@gmail.com GMAT/GRE

Term
The following appeared in the City Council Proceedings of the local newspaper in Smithville:“The city council of Smithville has instituted changes to police procedures to improve the visibility of the police force. These changes require that the town hire Navgud sticky icon GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. maverickblogger30 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Argument: One increasingly popular policy for promoting renewable energy is a feed-in tariff. Under such a policy, investors on any scale, from large corporations to individual homeowners, produce their own energy from solar panels installed on their prop amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones. amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
2.The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities."Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our warehou muddysahil GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Issue: Parents should be able to monitor and restrict which books, digital media, or other information their children access or check out of the public library. amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
"According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies Neha Ghosh GMAT/GRE Argument Task
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. bpzeropb sticky icon GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The best way to teach—whether as an educator, employer, or parent—is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your posi ramzi GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Argument: In Fall 2010, the Transportation Security Administration stepped up its security efforts in U.S. airports by incorporating random full-body searches as part of its counter-terrorism efforts. These full-body searches were a response to the refusa amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Argument Task

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. bpzeropb sticky icon GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following appeared in the City Council Proceedings of the local newspaper in Smithville:“The city council of Smithville has instituted changes to police procedures to improve the visibility of the police force. These changes require that the town hire Navgud sticky icon GMAT/GRE Argument Task
"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertisin ramzi GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future. maverickblogger30 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In deve Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
"Over the past year, our late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were concerned with our station's coverage of weather an Neha Ghosh GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Argument: One increasingly popular policy for promoting renewable energy is a feed-in tariff. Under such a policy, investors on any scale, from large corporations to individual homeowners, produce their own energy from solar panels installed on their prop amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Some people believe that teaching morality should be the foundation of education. Others believe that teaching a foundation of logical reasoning would do more to produce a moral society vastavdesai111 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In deve Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The best way to teach is to praise positive actions and ignore negative ones. amir_20051 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: However, the author use no evidence to support the assumption.Lacking such evidence it is equally possible that the hormone level of mothers don't influence the offspring's. Thus, the author 's claim is not credible.
Description: The fragment author use no is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace use with verb, past tense

Sentence: To support the claim, the author cites three examples about the firstborn infant,firstborn humans and first-time mother monkey sequentially to prove that a positive relationship may be exists with birth order and the level of the hormone cortiso.
Error: cortiso Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: firstborn Suggestion: first born
Error: first-time Suggestion: first time

Sentence: Second, about the firstborn humans, the experiment is also not credible.It's entirely possible that the firstborn infant doesn't have playmates at home, so parents are their only friends.
Error: doesn't Suggestion: does not
Error: firstborn Suggestion: first born

flaws:
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 1970 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.77 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.439 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.844 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.384 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.646 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.106 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.