The author suggested that reducing the mopeds rental companies from 50% to 25% in Balmer Island, as implemented in Island of Seaville, will reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians but does not provide sufficient data to substantiate his claim.
We need to know the demographic distribution of the Island of Seaville. Do we have more or less people in Seaville than in Balmer? For example, if we have only 50,000 people in Seavile and use the percentage reduction as a numerical equivalent, then one moped is to 2000 people while one moped is to 4,000 people in Balmer. It is glaring from this analogy that the congestion is 100% higher in Balmer and thus, more likelihood of accidents. It’s therefore unconvincing that the percentage reduction in Balmer can reduce the accidents between mopeds and pedestrains.
Every city has different traffic patterns due to different means of commuting. How much percentages of people in the Island of Seaville use the mopeds for their daily socio-economic activity as compared to Balmer Island? If less people in Seaville use the mopeds vis-à-vis Balmer, then the same percentage reductions in mopeds may not guarantee the same result. A clear numerical figure of the mopeds users in both cities will suffice.
Furthermore, the author fails to state the conditions of the road infrastructures in cities under review. Apart from mopeds reduction, the conditions of the road are a contributing factor to road accidents. The number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians in Balmer Island may not reduce with reduced number of mopeds if the roads are worse than in Seaville.
In closing, for the author to convince the council of Balmer Island to buy-in into his proposal, he needs to present convincing statistical facts common to both cities. It’s only wise to compare apple to apple.
flaws:
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 80
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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No. of Words: 304 350
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No. of Different Words: 148 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.176 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.987 4.6
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Number of Paragraphs: 5 5