"The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College."
"""To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new"
"dormitories. Buckingham s enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective"
"students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."""
"Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate"
"the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument."
In this memo from, the author points out that buliding new dormitory will attract more students in the future. To support his/her assertation, the article renders the fact that enrollment on the university is growing and will double in the next 50 years. To further supply his/her argument, the author also mentions that existing dormitory space is inadequate now. To bolster the aprojection, the memo also cites that the average rent has risen in town in recent years. Close scrutiny of each of these facts revearls that none of them lends credible support to the conclusion as it stands.
The author assumes that bulding new dormitory is responsible for attracting preospective students. However, there are other possible ways to attract good students; for example hiring better professors, improve facilities in laboratory to name just a few. Without ruling out alternative solutions that may have lower cost for university, the author cannot justify his/her projection that new dormitory is a good way to attract good students.
Assuming that recently the rent has risen, the author inferes similar condition in the future. But by promoting the economy , it is entirely possible that living cost will decrease in the future. So, the new students will afford to rent an apartment in the city. He/She also recommends a similar story about current trends. It is also possible, in the future the students opt other universities for pursue their educations. For example, if better university will be built in that city with better equipments, the students will prefer the new one.
The article ignores other costs for new atudents. If Burmingham university attracts more student in the future, the university needs more professors and space for students. They have to calculate the cost for additional students. Perhaps the university cannot afford expenses or they need space to build new calssrooms. If so, the author fails to consider all side effects about attracting more students.
In sum, the memo relies on questionable assumptions and doubtfull evidence that render it unconvincing and ill grounded as it stands. To persuade me that building a new dormitory will attract more students, the author must provide better facts. To empower the conclusion, he/she also needs to mention information respecting costs and whethet it is beneficial for university or not.
Sentence: It is also possible, in the future the students opt other universities for pursue their educations.
Description: The token for is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to for and pursue
Sentence: In this memo from, the author points out that buliding new dormitory will attract more students in the future.
Error: buliding Suggestion: building
Sentence: To support his/her assertation, the article renders the fact that enrollment on the university is growing and will double in the next 50 years.
Error: assertation Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: To bolster the aprojection, the memo also cites that the average rent has risen in town in recent years.
Error: aprojection Suggestion: projection
Sentence: Close scrutiny of each of these facts revearls that none of them lends credible support to the conclusion as it stands.
Error: revearls Suggestion: reveals
Sentence: The author assumes that bulding new dormitory is responsible for attracting preospective students.
Error: bulding Suggestion: building
Sentence: Assuming that recently the rent has risen, the author inferes similar condition in the future.
Error: inferes Suggestion: infers
Sentence: The article ignores other costs for new atudents.
Error: atudents Suggestion: students
Sentence: Perhaps the university cannot afford expenses or they need space to build new calssrooms.
Error: calssrooms Suggestion: classrooms
Sentence: In sum, the memo relies on questionable assumptions and doubtfull evidence that render it unconvincing and ill grounded as it stands.
Error: doubtfull Suggestion: doubtful
Sentence: To empower the conclusion, he/she also needs to mention information respecting costs and whethet it is beneficial for university or not.
Error: whethet Suggestion: whether
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 12 2
Argument 1 -- OK
Argument 2 -- OK
Argument 3 -- OK
But Argument 1 and Argument 3 are relatively talking about the same thing. Argument 2 is for two paragraphs.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 12 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1939 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.049 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.65 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.263 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5