You are hereThe following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet Stores. "Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increase by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in th

The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet Stores. "Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increase by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in th


shina's picture

By shina - Posted on 09 September 2012

Essay topic: 

The following appeared in a memo from the marketing director of Top Dog Pet Stores.

"Five years ago Fish Emporium started advertising in the magazine Exotic Pets Monthly. Their stores saw sales increase by 15 percent after their ads began appearing in the magazine. The three Fish Emporium stores in Gulf City saw an even greater increase than that. Because Top Dog Pet Stores is based in Gulf City, it seems clear that we should start placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly. If we do so, we will be sure to reverse the recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again."

the 'top dog' marketing director proposed start advertising in the magazine exotic pets monthly to increased the profit. the reasons are first , five year ago a fish emporium started advertisement and sell is increased by 15 percent. 2nd reason is given by the three fish emporium stores in gulf city saw even greater increase than that. reading this argument in starting it seems true but when the argument is deeply analyze there are flaws, it require more evidence to support the argument

firstly, there is no information provided about the fish emporium store , may be the store provide some discount offer, or there may be another item for cell like antique pieces, gift store etc. the information about the fish store is needed to compare the business.

secondly, comparison between a fish emporium store and a dog store is worthless. both are the different things. some people like fishes as a pet and some like dogs or both. the selling of pets in the city is dependent only on the interest of the people. dogs as pet demand more expenses and fishes demand less. may be people prefer fishes as a pet.

moreover, the fish emporium advertised five year ago .it is worthless to compare the situation now and five year ago. furthermore, the selling statics of fish emporium is not provided, may be the emporium sell was very low and after the advertisement it increase 15 percent, may be selling is still average, or below average.

15 percent increment in sell is not a huge profit , it demands statics to show before and after the no. of person who purchases fish emporium. may be the advertisement cost is high.

in sum, the argument needs more evidence to support the statement. the inference drawn by the argument is fallacious. to bolster the argument the author should provide information about the store situation, statics of store and the interest of the person. after proper analyze the situation we can get the desired outcome.

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essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: the 'top dog' marketing director proposed start advertising in the magazine exotic pets monthly to increased the profit. the reasons are first , five year ago a fish emporium started advertisement and sell is increased by 15 percent.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to magazine and exotic
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and increased

Sentence: 2nd reason is given by the three fish emporium stores in gulf city saw even greater increase than that. reading this argument in starting it seems true but when the argument is deeply analyze there are flaws, it require more evidence to support the argument
Description: The fragment it require more is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace require with verb, past tense

Sentence: firstly, there is no information provided about the fish emporium store , may be the store provide some discount offer, or there may be another item for cell like antique pieces, gift store etc. the information about the fish store is needed to compare the business.
Description: The fragment store provide some is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular

Sentence: moreover, the fish emporium advertised five year ago .it is worthless to compare the situation now and five year ago. furthermore, the selling statics of fish emporium is not provided, may be the emporium sell was very low and after the advertisement it increase 15 percent, may be selling is still average, or below average.
Description: The word sell is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to sell , did you mean cell
Description: The fragment it increase 15 is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace increase with verb, past tense

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Different Words: 149 200

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 332 350
No. of Characters: 1567 1500
No. of Different Words: 149 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.269 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.72 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.488 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 47.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.112 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.496 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.919 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.165 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5

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