The following appeared in a memo at XYZ company.
"When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating résumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
This memo story conclude that there are two personnel firm, Delany and Walsh, which help employees who was laid off by assisting in their resume writing and developing their interview skills. XYZ seems satisfied to work with Delany with their quick job finding services comparing to Walsh. Delany's finding a new process takes 6 months, on the other hands Walsh's takes 9 months. Also, author claimed that 8 years ago while they were using Walsh, half of their laid of workers found jobs in one year. And also, author assert that not only shorter time in Delany but also they have larger number of brunch and bigger staff then Walsh. As a result of this he recommends to use even Walsh is less expensive he suggests to use Delany as oppose to Walsh. However, his assumptions are stands very weak, and we need more specific evidence to strengthen his assumptions.
At first sight, when we compare Delany and Walsh, he prefer to use 8 years ago data. He claimed only half of those laid of workers found job in one year. This vague information is not enough to decide. Does he know how many of the laid of employees used Walsh services? And how is the unemployment situation at that time, maybe economy is not that good 8 years ago, maybe even people use Walsh services or not they may not find a job in a short time. He should consider at that times situation.
Moreover, the claimed that, Delany has bigger staff and larger number of branch offices than Walsh. However, this bigness how big, he did not give us actual numbers. If Delany has 10 staff and if Walsh has 9 staff this is not a big difference to choose which service is better.
Additionally, If he wants to compare to company as oppose to see their how quickly they find a job, he should check other years as well. He only mentioned last years result, which is 6 months for Delany and 9 months for Walsh. What if the prior year result is better, it should be a mistake to chose Delany with this little information.
Finally, he should inquire detailed numbers on, how many employees they laid off, how many of them did find a job through the Delany and Walsh? How is the situation in Walsh know, everything should be change in 8 years. Maybe Walsh find more valuable jobs than Delany, maybe their concern to find a more sustainable work with better salary. To arbitrate fairly, he should find our this information.
In conclusion, his assumptions needs more accurate information. He should consider to make an investigation to find out these information, and then he can make a strength decison about which Personal firms are better for their laid of employees.
Sentence: This memo story conclude that there are two personnel firm, Delany and Walsh, which help employees who was laid off by assisting in their resume writing and developing their interview skills.
Description: The fragment story conclude that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace conclude with verb, past tense
Sentence: And also, author assert that not only shorter time in Delany but also they have larger number of brunch and bigger staff then Walsh.
Description: The fragment author assert that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace assert with verb, past tense
Sentence: As a result of this he recommends to use even Walsh is less expensive he suggests to use Delany as oppose to Walsh.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to as and oppose
Sentence: At first sight, when we compare Delany and Walsh, he prefer to use 8 years ago data.
Description: The fragment he prefer to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace prefer with verb, past tense
Description: The fragment years ago data is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace ago with adjective
Sentence: He only mentioned last years result, which is 6 months for Delany and 9 months for Walsh.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to years and result
Sentence: Maybe Walsh find more valuable jobs than Delany, maybe their concern to find a more sustainable work with better salary.
Description: The fragment Walsh find more is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace find with verb, past tense
Sentence: He should consider to make an investigation to find out these information, and then he can make a strength decison about which Personal firms are better for their laid of employees.
Error: decison Suggestion: decision
Error: laid of Suggestion: laid off
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Words: 467 350
The first paragraph can be shorter, check out this user:
http://www.testbig.com/users/sauvikb
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2098 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.493 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.317 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.68 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.503 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.56 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.528 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.165 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5