You are hereThe following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situa

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situa


aloha871111's picture

By aloha871111 - Posted on 10 June 2012

Essay topic: 

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

In this letter, the author concludes that birth order and even being mother for the first time can affect individuals' levels of stimulation by citing a study of eighteen rhesus monkeys. At the first glance, this may be a newly exciting scientific breakthrough, however, after examining the evidence provided by the author, several other alternative explanations to the same issue could undermine the reliability of the conclusion.

The initial problem with this argument is the possible flaws in the study cited by the author. According to the introduction of the study, its subjects are eighteen rhesus monkeys. Yet, there is not quite possible that a convincing result of a study can be generated merely based on eighteen subjects. Because the size of the sample in this study is not big enough, and the smaller the sample, the less reliable the study's conclusion. Besides, the sample are selected from rhesus solely. However, can rhesus monkeys be the representative of the whole monkey species? Common sense informs people that monkey species include a rather wide range in the nature, perhaps distinct species have different physical and biological functions which may lead to the opposite outcomes. What's more, the author fails to offer the detail information of those monkeys such as their age, sex and etc. And opposite sex can decide different responses to the same environment, as well as different age. Unless the author takes into account all those possible alternative explanations, the study cited in the letter can only undermine its reliability by its own.

Another hidden flaw in the letter is that, the author simply equates the situation of the birth order with that of fist-time being mother. The author assumes that, according to the study in which the fist born monkeys can generate a high level of cortisol so can first-time mother monkeys, the cause and effect of the high level of cortisol between the first born monkeys and first-time mother monkeys are the same. However, other alternative explanations may cast doubts on this assumption. Perhaps, the reason that those first-time mother monkeys generate such a high level of cortisol may not result from the need that they have to regulate their activity levels to confront the stimulating environment but a type of self-regulation to balance internal levels of hormones. This scenario, if true, would serve to weaken the author's conclusion.

Even though the two possibilities mentioned above are proved to be true, however, the author hastily assumes that there is no alternative explanations for the similar responses generated by monkeys and humans. However, merely resting the assumption on the unilateral and superficial phenomenon is unconvincing and cursory. Even though monkeys and humans are all mammals and there is some inherent relationship between them, however, they are still two independent and utterly distinct kind of species which means their physical functions and structures can be total different. Therefore, without providing well-rounded and scientific research of humans and ruling out these and other possible explanations behind it, the author's conclusion can not be reasonably established.

To sum up, the internally physical and biological functions of animals and humans are extremely intricate that there are still mysterious problems can not be fully solved and understood. The conclusion made by the author rests barely on an inaccurate study and superficial phenomena which are irresponsible and non-scientific. To strengthen the argument, years' researches and comparsons are required and also a rigorous attitude to science.

Average: 8 (10 votes)
Tags
More essays by this user:
Looking for speaking partner/tutor/chat? Join the instant conversation now!
    
Something about you
Choose a nickname and enter at least one ID (Skype, MSN, QQ, ICQ or Yahoo) if you want to be listed!
Registered users only
Loading...
(153 users watching; 1 users on the list)
People online
Nickname Sex L Country Favorite topics Contact

Argument Topic: The following appeared as part of a petition sent to residents of Youngtown by an environmental protection group:"The Smith Corporation should not be permitted to develop the land that is now part of the Youngtown Wildlife Preserve. The sa apurva
The following appeared as a letter to the editor from the owner of a skate shop in Central Plaza."Two years ago the city voted to prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. They claimed that skateboard users were responsible for the litter and vandalism tha nsoltan2013
Young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the po Reham Youssef
Nations should suspend government funding for the Arts when significant number of their citizens are hungry or unemployed. monika
People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the pos koruboyy sticky icon
The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books."We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because i Agata
Argument essay 2 beginner_sg
Argument task - The following appeared in a petition presented by classen university students to the school's administration. The purpose of higher studies is to prepare students for the future, but classen students are at a serious disadvantage in the sirisiri
The following is part of a business plan created by the management of the Megamart grocery store.“Our total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since we added a pharmacy section to our grocery store. Clearly, the customer’s main concern is the co kayreplay
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the assistant manager of a store that sells gourmet food items from various countries"A local wine store made an interesting discovery last month: it sold more French than Italian wine on days when it play ozant

Term
Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning. - GRE Issue 119 six11 GMAT/GRE
Students should always question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing a Thupten Tsering GMAT/GRE
Claim: The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.Reason: Heroes and role models reveal a society's highest ideals. myyid68 GMAT/GRE
GMAT essay Lesson 5- Analysis of Argument (III) essayking GMAT/GRE
74The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men. Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducat aloha871111 GMAT/GRE
All results of publicly funded scientific studies should be made available to the general public free of charge. Scientific journals that charge a subscription or newsstand price are profiting unfairly. maryam2900 GMAT/GRE
Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed. wasainika17 GMAT/GRE
Politicians should pursue common ground and reasonable consensus rather than elusive ideals.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In de ronxyz GMAT/GRE
scientific theories which most people consider as fact almost invariably prove to be inaccurate. Thus one shud look upon any information described as’factual’ with skepticism since it may well be proven false in the future.Write an essy in which u take a Vanan GMAT/GRE
In any field of endeavour, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. ronaldo GMAT/GRE

Term
Educators should take students' interests into account when planning the content of the courses. siamakd sticky icon GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time. siamakd GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following appeared as part of a memo from the president of Automate, a company that manufactures automobiles."It has come to my attention that Sparks, Inc., the manufacturing company that just moved into our state, is advertising job openings at salar zahravakili GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The following is a memo from the superintendent of the Mylar school district."A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely venous GMAT/GRE Argument Task
According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies act pras_agar GMAT/GRE Argument Task
"In any academic area or professional field, it is just as important to recognize the limits of our knowledge and understanding as it is to acquire new facts and information." venous GMAT/GRE Issue Task
"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making." zahravakili GMAT/GRE Issue Task
Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.Writ Alexiel17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
"People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does." zahravakili GMAT/GRE Issue Task
In any given field, the leading voices come from people who are motivated not by conviction but by the desire to present opinions and ideas that differ from those held by the majority. apurva GMAT/GRE Issue Task

Educators should take students' interests into account when planning the content of the courses. siamakd sticky icon GMAT/GRE Issue Task
All parents should be required to volunteer time to their children's schools.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and su avantika17 GMAT/GRE Issue Task
A recently issued twenty-year study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia investigated the possible therapeutic effect of consuming salicylates. Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. siamakd GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time. siamakd GMAT/GRE Issue Task
The following appeared as part of a memo from the president of Automate, a company that manufactures automobiles."It has come to my attention that Sparks, Inc., the manufacturing company that just moved into our state, is advertising job openings at salar zahravakili GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The following is a memo from the superintendent of the Mylar school district."A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely venous GMAT/GRE Argument Task
According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies act pras_agar GMAT/GRE Argument Task
Governments should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development. darshan.sonagara GMAT/GRE Issue Task
One increasingly popular policy for promoting renewable energy is a feed-in tariff. Under such a policy, investors on any scale, from large corporations to individual homeowners, produce their own energy from solar panels installed on their property. Elec itsme.meprashant GMAT/GRE Argument Task
The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.The article entitled 'Eating Iron' in last month's issue of Eating for Health reported that a recent study found a correlation between high levels of iron in the diet and an increase venous GMAT/GRE Argument Task
aloha871111's picture

I think this one is a little bit professional and i can not actually find the flaws, so plz give me some advice,thx!

essayE-rater's picture

You got the point and argued properly.

flaws:
This is a new GRE essay topic which is a bit different to those arguments essays.

You don't need to find flaws from the arguments but are asked to 'discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation...'

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 571 350
No. of Characters: 3012 1500
No. of Different Words: 256 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.888 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.275 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.804 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 237 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 174 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 125 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 82 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.826 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.036 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.498 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

aloha871111's picture

thank you for replying

You are welcome!

dream2000's picture

You don't need trying to find out all flaws. 2 - 3 flaws are enough.

To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.