Please rate my writing for a GRE Arugument Essay. The topic is "Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet

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Please rate my writing for a GRE Arugument Essay.

The topic is "Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability".

The statement given above is not very well reasoned and concluded for several reasons. Firstly, It doesn't inform the details of the Furniture Depot before the advertising company was hired especially on what its sales was and the when the Furniture store had been started. For example, It could have just been established two years ago, and if it were very well managed, a store is by default going to have increased sales.

Secondly, The argument fails to address any other implications that occurred during that period. For instance, a strong competitor of the store could have closed down their store completely which automatically is prone to increase the sales of any other similar stores.

Thirdly, it would also be a logical argument to look at the population of the city/town where the store is located. The sales could have increased due to more people migrating to the city/town compared to the previous year.

Another very significant reasoning the statements fails to address is the profit that the store actually made. It says there was a 10% increase in sales but that doesn't have to directly co-relate the profit the store made. The sales could have been made at a loss too.

Also, what is a more useful statistics would be to know how many customers actually came to this store and made a purchase after seeing the internet advertisement. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, this number alone doesn't logically reason to the advertising company's claim that the profitability of a company will increase, so along with these numbers, only when we look at the profit the store made from these customers, can we surely conclude that using the internet services can increase the profitability.

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Sentence: Firstly, It doesn't inform the details of the Furniture Depot before the advertising company was hired especially on what its sales was and the when the Furniture store had been started.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a WH-adverb
Suggestion: Refer to the and when

flaws:
No. of Words: 291 350
No. of Characters: 1392 1500
No. of Different Words: 155 200
Sentence Length SD: 11.826 7.5

Write the essay with more vocabulary words.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 291 350
No. of Characters: 1392 1500
No. of Different Words: 155 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.13 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.784 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.574 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 69 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.826 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.382 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.673 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.101 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5