The bar chart below shows the employment of all male and female workers by occupation int the UK in the year 2005.
The graph is about the percentages of types of occupation of British men and women in 2005. It is clear that the highest among the proportions of men was skilled trades, whereas, it was administrative and secretarial for women.
A fifth among male workers were seen to be associated with skill trading. This is the commonest occupation for them. However, this is only 2% for females. Furthermore, males who process, plant and operate machines were 12% they are 10% higher with their female counterparts. Meanwhile, the proportions between male and female are relatively similar, between 10% to 18%, for jobs such as managers and senior officials, professionals, associate professional and technical and elementary.
On the other hand, on some occupations, women's percentages were significantly higher. Firstly, administrative and secretarial was 22% for them but this is only 5% for men. Secondly, female sales and customer services are twice more than males. Finally, only 2% of males were in personal service and this was seven times more for females.
Sentence: It is clear that the highest among the proportions of men was skilled trades, whereas, it was administrative and secretarial for women.
Description: The fragment proportions of men is not usually followed by was
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace was with were
they are 10% higher with their female counterparts.
Suggestion: they are 10% higher than their female counterparts.
Sentence: Firstly, administrative and secretarial was 22 for them but this is only 5 for men.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by was
Suggestion: Refer to secretarial and was
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.273 21.0
Sentences need to be polished.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 10
No. of Words: 168 200
No. of Characters: 851 1000
No. of Different Words: 104 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.6 4.0
Average Word Length: 5.065 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.962 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 55 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 48 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 30 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.273 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.166 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.354 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.528 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.083 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4