The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.
The graph shows the percentage of audiences over 4 yes old of UK follows the radio and television throughout the day during the period October-December 1992. It has been observed from the graph that less than 10% audiences follows the radio at 6:00 am and the percentage raised to a pick around 30% at 8′AM and decline gradually to around 10% during the period 2′00 to 4′00 Pm and again raised a bi t to around 12% between 4′00 to 6′00 PM. It then again dropped to below 10% at around 10′PM. The rate again raised to a bit between 10′00 PM to 12′00 PM and then dropped slowly by 4′00 AM. On the other hand, the rate of television audiences raises 0-10% during the period 6′00 to 8′00 am and remain steady up to 1 0′AM and then gradually goes down by 12′00 noon. The percentage raised dramatically to around 15% by 2′00 noon. The percentage raised dramatically goes down by 12′00 noon. The percentage raised dramatically to around 15% by 2′00 PM which again raised to a pick above 40% between 6′00-8′00 PM and then gradually dropped between the period 12′00 PM to 4′00 AM.
flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 1 4
It is not well organized.
better to put in 4 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-below-gives-information-about…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 218 200
No. of Characters: 836 1000
No. of Different Words: 79 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.843 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.835 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.628 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 53 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 29 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 19 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.821 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.583 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.583 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.299 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 4