In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essay topics:

In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given charts are data of flu cases in a large country and the vaccine trial for female. The first chart, bar chart, shows the information about the number of deaths in females and males that caused by flu per quarter year from March to August in 1996. The second chart, line graph, illustrates the number of flu cases in both women and men from February to December in 1996. The third chart, pie chart, gives the information about proportion vaccine trial receiver in different group of females.

According to the bar chart, apperantly many women dead cause of flu than men. During march to may period, there are 1 female death while there were no male death. The next quarter year, the number of female’ deaths rose by 3 while there were 2 males dead cause of flu.

This data was precised by line graph where the graph showed obviously that females were potentially gotten flu cases than males. During first half period, flu cases icreased dramatically for both women and men with the cases total peaked at 3500 for women and around 2600 for men. But, six month onward, the flu cases decreased gradually to 2500 cases for females and 1500 cases for males in the end of december.

To solve the problem, researchers conducted the new vaccine trial to the females as this flu attacked many women than man. The highest receiver, 35%, were older women who are over 65 years old. It perhaps they immunity was weaker as they getting old. Babies or children were being the second largest vaccine receiver as may be their immunity was also still weak. While the other recipient were hospitalized women, 13%. There are 28% women from the total women that were not given the vaccine.

Overall, women, especially older women, were more risky to get flu cases and death because of that disease.

Votes
Average: 7.1 (8 votes)
Essay Categories

Comments

Sentence: It perhaps they immunity was weaker as they getting old.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and immunity

While the other recipient were
While the other recipients were

Sentence: This data was precised by line graph where the graph showed obviously that females were potentially gotten flu cases than males.
Error: precised Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: During first half period, flu cases icreased dramatically for both women and men with the cases total peaked at 3500 for women and around 2600 for men.
Error: icreased Suggestion: increased

Sentence: But, six month onward, the flu cases decreased gradually to 2500 cases for females and 1500 cases for males in the end of december.
Error: december Suggestion: December

flaws:
No. of Words: 314 200 (write the essay in 20 minutes)

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 17 10
No. of Words: 314 200
No. of Characters: 1429 1000
No. of Different Words: 153 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.21 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.551 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.095 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 74 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 29 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 17 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.471 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.564 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.366 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.598 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4