The line charts give the information about the growth of defense spending and its proportion of GNP between 1956 and 1975 in USA.
As we can see from the first diagram,which show the amout of money spent in billions of dollars. From $37 billion in 1956 to $80 billion in 1963,the line trend is upword with a fluctuation between 1957 and 1960. Then a slight drop to $45 billion in 1963. But afert that,there is a significant rise to around $80 billion in 1969,and then after a modest fluctuation, it goes up continuely in 1974.
The second diagram describe the defence spending as a proportion of GNP.The whole trend is downword,but there is a soar between 1963 and 1969, which matches with the significant increase of the first diagram between 1963 and 1969, then with a plunge from 9.2% in 1969 to 6.9% in 1975.
Comments
some errors
Grammar error:
Sentence: But afert that,there is a significant rise to around 80 billion in 1969,and then after a modest fluctuation, it goes up continuely in 1974.
Description: The token 'to' is not usually followed by a preposition
Suggestion: Refer to 'to' and 'around'
Sentence: The second diagram describe the defence spending as a proportion of GNP.The whole trend is downword,but there is a soar between 1963 and 1969, which matches with the significant increase of the first diagram between 1963 and 1969, then with a plunge from 9.2 in 1969 to 6.9 in 1975.
Description: The fragment 'diagram describe the' is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace ''describe' with 'verb, past tense'
Spelling error:
Sentence: As we can see from the first diagram,which show the amout of money spent in billions of dollars.
Error: amout Suggestion: amount
Sentence: From 37 billion in 1956 to 80 billion in 1963,the line trend is upword with a fluctuation between 1957 and 1960.
Error: upword Suggestion: upward
Sentence: But afert that,there is a significant rise to around 80 billion in 1969,and then after a modest fluctuation, it goes up continuely in 1974.
Error: continuely Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: afert Suggestion: avert
Sentence: The second diagram describe the defence spending as a proportion of GNP.The whole trend is downword,but there is a soar between 1963 and 1969, which matches with the significant increase of the first diagram between 1963 and 1969, then with a plunge from 9.2 in 1969 to 6.9 in 1975.
Error: defence Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: downword Suggestion: downward
You used good vocabulary words in the essay like "upword with a fluctuation", "slight drop", "significant rise", "modest fluctuation","goes up" ,"soar","plunge".
I like it. I believe you can get a very good mark in IELTS writing.
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