The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
It is true that position of women in society has changed today and they have a good career in their life. While I accept these statement suit with many conditions, but I believe women better stay at home to care their children after their getting married.
Nowadays, a lot of women in the world have the same position as balance as a men in work life. They get a high promotion to control middle or top management position, such as Supervisor, Manager, General Manager, and CEO. People can see this phenomena not only when the girls were young, but also until they have husband and children. This condition happens because of some reasons, for example: firstly, some women many have better job prospects than their husband and they do not have another choice for leave their career because they have to fulfill family needs. So, both of them work together and the children are handled by housekeeping. Secondly, perhaps paternity leave and “househusband” are becoming more common. Many fathers stay at home to do mother’s responsibilities, for instance cooking, washing, and cleaning the house.
However, some people argue that mother should not work and focus to take care her son or daughter. Probably it is no matter if woman get a job and find a lot of experience to reach their dream, but after having baby, they stop all their busy activities. In my opinion, between mother and father has clear role to manage their family, and she should stay at home and focus looking after development of children. Women have a big responsibilities in manage family needs, such as preparing foods and drinks, becoming best partner for their husband and children, and teaching their children about good attitude.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against women position in family life, but I believe women who work will give more drawbacks for their family progress than women who focus to look after their husband and children at home.
Sentence: People can see this phenomena not only when the girls were young, but also until they have husband and children.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and phenomena
Sentence: This condition happens because of some reasons, for example: firstly, some women many have better job prospects than their husband and they do not have another choice for leave their career because they have to fulfill family needs.
Description: The token for is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to for and leave
Sentence: Secondly, perhaps paternity leave and househusband are becoming more common.
Description: The fragment , perhaps paternity is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace perhaps with adjective
Sentence: Probably it is no matter if woman get a job and find a lot of experience to reach their dream, but after having baby, they stop all their busy activities.
Description: The fragment woman get a is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace get with verb, past tense
flaws:
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 331 350
No. of Characters: 1579 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.265 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.77 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.397 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.643 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.698 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.929 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.346 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5