In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. but some advertisers claim that there is useful information in the advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is undeniable that advertising in media creates bad effect to young people while advertisers argue that there are many information counted in it. I personally believe that advertising which is contained by persuading to buy goods , is uneducated advertising.
Advertising try to sell a lot of things on the media such as television, radio and internet. Television is the most targeted one , because it can cover all ages . they attempt to persuade young people to buy grubs, toys , and other things . they claim that in their advertising included knowledge and information. They believe that it either good for young people or them. For example, they offer toys to the children. When the children grab their toys, the children will get several benefit from this toy. Young people can be education also have tun playing the toy at the same time. What kind of education contains is that toy ? they clam that personal social soft motoric adapt will be increase.
On the other hand, parents assume opposite side. They argue that the advertising which to their children is useless. It make the children face difficulities to arrange their time . some times , when they have a new toy, they can not control their self from the games . parents find their children playing such toy for a long long time and unfortunately they forget to study. According to junior journal , it state that children spend their time twice for playing games than to study. Parents are shock to find this phenomena.
In conclusion , I strongly believe that advertisers should decrease the number of advertising which try to persuade young people , because it transfer bad effect to them .
Sentence: Advertising try to sell a lot of things on the media such as television, radio and internet.
Description: The fragment Advertising try to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace try with verb, past tense
Sentence: It make the children face difficulities to arrange their time . some times , when they have a new toy, they can not control their self from the games . parents find their children playing such toy for a long long time and unfortunately they forget to study.
Description: The fragment It make the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, past tense
Sentence: According to junior journal , it state that children spend their time twice for playing games than to study.
Description: The word state is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to state
Sentence: Parents are shock to find this phenomena.
Suggestion: Parents are shocked to ...
Sentence: Young people can be education also have tun playing the toy at the same time.
Error: tun Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: What kind of education contains is that toy ? they clam that personal social soft motoric adapt will be increase.
Error: motoric Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: It make the children face difficulities to arrange their time . some times , when they have a new toy, they can not control their self from the games . parents find their children playing such toy for a long long time and unfortunately they forget to study.
Error: difficulities Suggestion: difficulties
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Different Words: 146 200
Still have grammatical issues. Read gram books.
Some sentences are not developed smoothly.
Need to improve the language and sentences.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 275 350
No. of Characters: 1338 1500
No. of Different Words: 146 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.072 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.865 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.528 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 83 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 67 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.196 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.516 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5