You are hereIn some countries the average weight of people is increasing their level of fitness is decreasing .What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing their level of fitness is decreasing .What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them


sandeep pooni's picture

By sandeep pooni - Posted on 27 June 2012

Essay topic: 

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing their level of fitness is decreasing .What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

Nowadays, there is no doubt that people are fatty and less healthy as compared to past. There are three reasons of it – junk food, a disease and laziness and business. This essay will discuss these causes and give solution of this obstacle.

First one, fast food is play an important role to make a person heavy because it has calories and oil only, and no protein, which increase the obesity in a human. For example, many people in USA are the prone of burger, pizza and so on. Some time, unfortunately, some kind of disease makes a person obese but average of this person is low in world.Third reason, laziness is the immense cause of it .Some people become so idle that for small – small work, they used technology. For instance, in past if a person had to travel for 1 kilometer then mostly the preferred to walk. But now for just half kilometer, persons used motorbikes, cars and so on. Some people are become fatty as they have no time for workout due to shortage of time.

The problem of overweight could be easily reduced by making and following some rules like f controlling eating habits such as reduced use of fast food and always eat home cooked meal as it is more hygienic, decreasing dependency over technology such as use stirs instead of elevator and doing some kind of exercise.

In sum up, obesity can be effortlessly controlled. It depends upon the willpower of person. For example, An Indian singer who was first overweight is now a fit man.

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essayE-rater's picture

Sentence: First one, fast food is play an important role to make a person heavy because it has calories and oil only, and no protein, which increase the obesity in a human.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and play

flaws:
No. of Words: 262 350
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.019 0.07

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 262 350
No. of Characters: 1162 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.023 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.435 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.345 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 75 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 51 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 17 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.154 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.329 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.3 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.019 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

sandeep pooni's picture

I am very thankful of you for this.
What improvements are needed to make this of score 6.5 or 7?
Please tell me

You are improved already!

To get more score, the first step is trying to put more words (around 350) for the essay. Your first paragraph and second paragraph are ok. The third and forth paragraph need more words. or you may need to write 5 paragraphs .

Then let's see what is the next step.