In some countries, old age is valued, while, in others, youth is emphasized. Which view point do you agree with?

Essay topics:

In some countries, old age is valued, while, in others, youth is emphasized. Which view point do you agree with?

in distinct societies, there is a noticeable difference between the significance and respect given to youth and late adulthood. Although both age groups have their own handy contribution however, cultural values, changes in life style due to modernity are the determining factors behind importance given to each of them. I confess this superfluous emphasize on one particular is not worth to place but my inclination will be towards youth.

To commence with, there are multifarious points to support my view. First and foremost, there is no doubt, today's youth are leader of tomorrow therefore, t...

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Votes
Average: 8.5 (2 votes)
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Comments

Sentence: I confess this superfluous emphasize on one particular is not worth to place but my inclination will be towards youth.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to superfluous and emphasize

Sentence: To recapitulate, although contribution of senior citizens can never be underestimated yet its capital idea to value more to our youth who can be called foundation of a nation to imagine sincere older generation of future and bright the nation.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to bright and the

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.881 7.5

some sentences are too long.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 413 350
No. of Characters: 2155 1500
No. of Different Words: 261 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.508 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.218 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.966 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.881 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.305 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.596 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.156 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Tnx very much sir..!!

what I could do more to improve my score 8.0 in above essay written ..?????

and in agree disagree essay is it essential to support one view more by making 2 paragraphs for one side or can we support both sides equally..??
and How many paragraphs are appropriate to be made???

Read the flaws you have:
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.881 7.5

Avg. Sentence Length: 29.5 21.0 means some sentences are too long.

Read this link to understand What is sentence length SD:
http://www.testbig.com/question/questions-about-essay-e-rater

To get score 8.0 or over, our suggestions:

1. Put less words. Around 350 - 400 words are pretty enough.

2. Still need to polish some sentences. Try to read essays by other top users and think how to improve:

http://www.testbig.com/users/sfaht1
http://www.testbig.com/users/tessy-james
http://www.testbig.com/users/nader
http://www.testbig.com/users/subodh860
http://www.testbig.com/users/azizkhan
http://www.testbig.com/users/newuser
http://www.testbig.com/users/misterwandering

and more:
http://www.testbig.com/essay-categories/ielts

And there are no differences to support only one side or both side, it is up to the essay topics and your writing styles. However, we recommend to support only one side which is easier to develop ideas.

And it is better to have 5 paragraphs:

para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion

Let us know if you have more questions.

Yes, read this sentence:

On the contrary, Nevertheless, accepting to changes brought by modernity and remaining up to date is need of hour for every civilization, old aged generation's orthodox thinking is a big obstacle in the way of success to a large number of young people as older always force them to follow what they want them to do in fact conventional lifestyle instead of letting them to walk with modernity to fulfill their own desired aims.

First, 'On the other hand' means However. It doesn't mean 'On another hand'.

Second, It is hard to make it logically clear if it is too long.

Suggestions:
Don't forget punctuation marks.