You are hereIn some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.What do you think are the causes of this?What solutions can you suggest?

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.What do you think are the causes of this?What solutions can you suggest?


marzieh's picture

By marzieh - Posted on 28 January 2013

Essay topic: 

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

In current time, we have overpopulation in some of the countries. Most of this population are young. They have to work and study harder to compete with other people. Consequently, they do not have much free time. Most of the time they have to work to survive.

In my opinion, overpopulation is the one of the reason that young people are under pressure, there are a few reasons else. First of all, nowadays, most of the expert people around the world such as doctors, engineering, scientists immigrate to rich and industrial nation. Consequently, they have to compete with each other to achieve limited position in these countries. Secondly, in some countries, having high degree of university is a value. If people do not have a good degree, they cannot find a good jobs. Finally, people believe they do not have enough time, actually conception of the time is changed, so people have to use all time they have.

In fact, we should find a way to decrease these pressure. Firstly, government must create a law about size of the family. For example in china people have to have one child. Secondly, we must try to create more job's position for people around the world. For example we can build a new factories, or expand distance working over the Internet Finally, it should better if we try to change this idea if we do not have a university's degree, we could not have a good jobs. Every jobs that we have is valuable. The man who cleans our streets has same human value as a doctor.

To sum up, I think we should create a balance between time of studying or working and leisure time. Everyone needs to reset, leisure time is very important for our body and our brain.

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Sentence: In my opinion, overpopulation is the one of the reason that young people are under pressure, there are a few reason else.
Description: The fragment a few reason is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace reason with reasons
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is

Sentence: Everyone need to reset, leisure time is very important for our body and our brain.
Description: The fragment Everyone need to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace need with needs

flaws:
No. of Words: 264 350
No. of Characters: 1173 1500
No. of Different Words: 131 200

When you have an idea, try to expand your idea with some arguments and examples. Don't just put one sentence there and leave it alone.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 264 350
No. of Characters: 1173 1500
No. of Different Words: 131 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.031 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.443 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.435 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 77 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 47 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 28 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 17 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.754 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.359 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.525 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

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