Write a letter to a Tafe College applying to enrol in a course next semester. You should state the course you wish to enrol in. you should mention why you wish to enrol and what qualifications you already have.
Dear Peter,
I am intending to write this letter, as I want to enrol for the course of diploma in child care for the upcoming semester in your college.
Actually, I finished my Bachelor and Masters degree in child development and family relations from Bangladesh. And, from the last two years I am working in a childcare as a casual staff. To be a permanent staff I need relevant degree from Australia, moreover, to apply in a co-ordinator post with experience I need academic record from here. That is the reason that, I am planning to study the post graduate diploma in child care.
Furthermore, one vital thing I also believe that every country have their own style so working in Australia up to the bench mark, I should learn their policy, procedure and technique to educate the children. Though, I have academic degree, as well, 2 years experience from here it will be wise to be well prepared by enrolling for next session, meanwhile, this summer might be I can utilize properly by studying at home as it is hard to work outside in the hot summer.
In conclusion, by studying child care I might be eligible for the position of co-ordinator. So it will be best for me if you accept to give me the COE for the next semester. I am waiting to hear form you.
sincerely yours,
Jahura
Sentence: Though, I have academic degree, as well, 2 years experience from here it will be wise to be well prepared by enrolling for next session, meanwhile, this summer might be I can utilize properly by studying at home as it is hard to work outside in the hot summer.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to years and experience
Description: A verb 'to be', infinitive or imperative is not usually followed by a pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to be and I
Hi Jahura, You sent two essays as questions. That is wrong. Submit your essays from this link: Submit essays.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 9
No. of Words: 227 250
No. of Characters: 992 900
No. of Different Words: 127 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.882 3.7
Average Word Length: 4.37 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.563 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 37 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.7 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.463 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.435 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.663 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4