Many children these days have unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parent are responsible for solving this problem.To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Essay topics:

Many children these days have unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parent are responsible for solving this problem.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

More attention should be paid to unwholesome life has happened to the most of young people under seven years old. Most of people argue that their school-kid and parents have to pay attention to tackle this issue. Although it is true for some extent, I strongly believe that the most important education of life must start from home rather than in the school.

In globalization era, most of people are faced instant and completely fast condition. There are many fast foods have founded in the market. Everyone who has many activities needs this kind of food. This situation also happened to the children. Although they have no many activities like their parents, children always eat fast food thanks to bustle parents. For example, instant noodle, instant fried chicken, sometimes their family straightaway buy food without caring about it process. This lifestyle is tended to become unhealthy children’s advancement.

Another thing happened by globalization impact is children association. Their environment has much easier to influence them. If they do not pay attention with their society, they will get negative effect. In fact, there are many kids have done things that they should not do, for instance, smoking. Many children especially under seven years old have smoked cigarettes. This condition can make unpleasant impact for children healthy.

Both of the facts show that education is not only in the school, but also have to do in the house. Their parents become a prominent reference for their children. Furthermore, parents have to concern especially for preparing food and their children society environment in spite of hard-pressed at work because their lifestyle depend on the personally parents lifestyle.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that father and mother have to pay attention to their children’s physical and mental condition as long as they can do that. Although some children have noticed from their teacher, parents must more prudence to protect their children from disease and nasty community. I suggest that home education has had more proportion.

Votes
Average: 6 (1 vote)

Comments

More attention should be paid to unwholesome life has happened to the most of young people
More attention should be paid to unwholesome life which has happened to the most of young people

There are many fast foods have founded in the market.
There are many fast foods which have founded in the market.

without caring about it process
without caring about its process

there are many kids have done things
there are many kids who have done things

education is not only in the school, but also have to do in the house.
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?

because their lifestyle depend on the personally parents lifestyle.
because their lifestyles depend personally on the parents' lifestyles.

Sentence: Although some children have noticed from their teacher, parents must more prudence to protect their children from disease and nasty community.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, post-determiner
Suggestion: Refer to must and more

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 335 350
No. of Characters: 1718 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.278 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.128 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.553 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.227 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.967 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.409 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.501 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5