The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.
To what extent do you agree with these views?
According to the medical experts, nowadays there more and more kids that have obesity problem. This is regarding mainly the developed countries such as Usa or Australia. While many people believe that it is due to increasing number of fast food outlets, others claim that it is because of parent, who does not care about their children health. From my point of view, both the statements are true and have their own significances.
To start with, there are several factors that are causing weight increase in young people and the raising numbers of the fast food stores is one of them. Having a short time or just for convenience leads the teenagers to eating the fatty foods. As a result, adolescents unknowingly by feeding this junk foods increase their own weight, besides causing serious damage to their health. To make matters worse, there are some shops such as take-away foods, which allow the clients to order meals like pizza as well as hamburger directly from home, making more easy the phenomenon of overweight.
Moreover, Parents should be the main caregivers. So, it is parents' responsibility to care about their children. Parent must teaching to his child what kind of foods eat in order to become healthful and also a big amount of good habits. These days, ever more young people seem delighted by staying at home. Parents should encourage the kids to take part of a sport rather than seeing their sons leisure time spent on computers and video games. I think that without parents' advice and a right motivation, for adolescent the losing of weight would be neither productive nor attractive.
In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, government should take some action against this increasing issue. One of the weapon that could be used is the rise of taxes on harmful foods. Increasing prices would raise prices and lower consumption. Of course, even the parents must do their best and give more attention to their kids in order to tackle this alarming situation.
nowadays there more and more kids that have obesity problem.
nowadays there are more and more kids who have obesity problems.
This is regarding mainly the developed countries
This is regarding mainly to the developed countries
Sentence: While many people believe that it is due to increasing number of fast food outlets, others claim that it is because of parent, who does not care about their children health.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and health
making more easy the phenomenon of overweight.
making the phenomenon of overweight easier.
Parent must teaching to his child
Parents must be teaching their children
take some action
take some actions
One of the weapon
One of the weapons
Sentence: Parents should encourage the kids to take part of a sport rather than seeing their sons leisure time spent on computers and video games.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to sons and leisure
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 336 350
No. of Characters: 1605 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.281 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.777 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.414 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 72 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 43 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.659 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.271 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.478 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.026 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5