In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, study is becomes an essential part of people live. Not only study at school but also study at course. Some schoolchildren have to face school regulations about spend time in school more than a half of their time. Therefore, I argue that we have to tackle this trend with some solution.
Children feel underpressure about study hard is caused some reason. First of all, the reason why children have a lot pressure are come from parents. Parents thought about their children must be great push them to give extra class like some courses and private class outside the school to their child. For example, almost 80% of private high school student in Solo, Indonesia, taken some courses after they finish their study at school. All in all, this course will make their score increase but as the impact they do not have leisure time to spend with their friend which is important.
In addition, after finishing their study in high school, teenagers usually have a duty to continue their study to college or university. Take Korean juvenile as example, almost all of the graduated high school student compete to enter the ivy college to impress their family. The preparation to enter this college kill their leisure time because they have to study much harder than before.
The evidences I mention before raises alot of problem. To handle this trend, all elements of society especially parents and family should work together to decrease the problem. They have to learn to accept their child ability and encourage their child in appropriate way without tension. When the society encourage them without pressing, student still have leisure time while they keep try to increase their score at school. In addition, parents should prepare a quality time with their child to gain a good relation. As a result, this condition will create two-way communication about parent needs and children need.
To sum up, it is evident that parent, family, friends, and neighbourhood is the key factor for student educational attainment. If the society give to much tension to schoolchildren, they will press theirself harder to prove their best and do not have leisure time anymore. All in all, the stakeholders should less the pressure and try to communicate with student looking for the best way for student to get better academic result.
Sentence: Nowadays, study is becomes an essential part of people live.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to is and becomes
the reason why children have a lot pressure are come from parents.
the reason why children have a lot pressure is from parents.
Sentence: Parents thought about their children must be great push them to give extra class like some courses and private class outside the school to their child.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to great and push
Sentence: Take Korean juvenile as example, almost all of the graduated high school student compete to enter the ivy college to impress their family.
Description: The fragment student compete to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace compete with verb, past tense
Sentence: The preparation to enter this college kill their leisure time because they have to study much harder than before.
Description: The fragment college kill their is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace kill with verb, past tense
Sentence: When the society encourage them without pressing, student still have leisure time while they keep try to increase their score at school.
Description: The fragment society encourage them is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace encourage with verb, past tense
parent, family, friends, and neighbourhood is the key factor for student educational attainment.
parents, family, friends, and neighbourhood are the key factor for student's educational attainment.
Sentence: If the society give to much tension to schoolchildren, they will press theirself harder to prove their best and do not have leisure time anymore.
Description: The fragment society give to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace give with verb, past participle
Sentence: Children feel underpressure about study hard is caused some reason.
Error: underpressure Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: If the society give to much tension to schoolchildren, they will press theirself harder to prove their best and do not have leisure time anymore.
Error: schoolchildren Suggestion: school children
Error: theirself Suggestion: ?
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 1891 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.874 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.381 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 26 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.476 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.729 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.524 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.305 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.101 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5