Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Whether children should learn to compete with others to achieve more or not is a matter of confliction. While some individuals believe that children should be persuaded to compete with their classmates, others of are the opinion that this practice could have negative effects on childrens' personality. I personally think that although competition could be beneficial in some instances, it also has many disadvantages and could have negative impact on childrens' morality.
Competition is one of useful ways for successfulness. It can inspire children to work hard and achieve more in different aspects such as education, sport, etc. Most people like to achieve high ranking, therefore, they try their best to proceed and to get better scores. In sport we are witnessing many national and international competitions and the winners will be very popular and wealthy. This may be partly because of their sense of competition. There are other examples in different fields that indicate sense of competition could result in great success.
Nevertheless, encouraging the sense of competition could be detrimental of children's behaviour and personality. In other words, comptitive children usually think about themselves and their progress. They might not care about their peers and classmates because they want to be the best. This could result to some degree of selfishness in children which may affect their adult lives. On the other hand, children who are encouraged to be kind and helpful to others, even to their rivals, will be hunourable and thrustworthy people whom everybody can count on them. For example, in one international competition during a running match, one of the athlites who was about to win realized that his rival faced a problem and fell down. He stopped and go back, took his hand and helped him to finish the match together. This was because the sense of competion was overshadowed by his good morality.
In conclusion, I believe that, the sense of competition should be encouraged in modest way in children in order to inspire them for hard working. However, people should be cautious about the drawbacks of this issue and put some restrictions in order to prevent its negative effects on children's personality.
Sentence: While some individuals believe that children should be persuaded to compete with their classmates, others of are the opinion that this practice could have negative effects on childrens' personality.
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', present tense, 2nd person singular or all
Suggestion: Refer to of and are
Sentence: Whether children should learn to compete with others to achieve more or not is a matter of confliction.
Error: confliction Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: While some individuals believe that children should be persuaded to compete with their classmates, others of are the opinion that this practice could have negative effects on childrens' personality.
Error: childrens Suggestion: children
Sentence: I personally think that although competition could be beneficial in some instances, it also has many disadvantages and could have negative impact on childrens' morality.
Error: childrens Suggestion: children
Sentence: Competition is one of useful ways for successfulness.
Error: successfulness Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In other words, comptitive children usually think about themselves and their progress.
Error: comptitive Suggestion: competitive
Sentence: On the other hand, children who are encouraged to be kind and helpful to others, even to their rivals, will be hunourable and thrustworthy people whom everybody can count on them.
Error: thrustworthy Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: For example, in one international competition during a running match, one of the athlites who was about to win realized that his rival faced a problem and fell down.
Error: athlites Suggestion: athletes
Sentence: This was because the sense of competion was overshadowed by his good morality.
Error: competion Suggestion: No alternate word
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 360 350
No. of Characters: 1837 1500
No. of Different Words: 186 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.356 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.103 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.833 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.824 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.142 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5