Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is true that many people prefer to give dogma to children that to be number one is the most important. However, some people think that teach the children to work or study together and help each other could build beneficial citizens in the future. Both of them have reason why they stuck in their opinion.
Teaching children to be the best in any fields could construct strong characters which is good to achieve what they want. If they have passion to be better than others, they will have motivation to study or train hard. Therefore, many winners could be gotten by society or country if the children are taught to always get highest score in every chance.
The children who learn how to care each other and collaborate in any activities will conduct harmonic society because when they are mature, they will not be selfish. Therefore, another’s problem become their problem too, so kinds of helping would be given to obtain the solutions. As consequence, the society could be advanced.
In my opinion, people who care with others are more useful to conduct a country. The best leader is not person who is dominant than others, but the people who could feel what other people sense and move to assist others to solve their troubles. Moreover, good work cannot be built with single work from one people, but should be held by collaboration from many people.
In conclusion, either training the children to be supreme or to be social person could give positive impact. If I have to choose, I would rather persuade my children to be social person who benefit others.
to be number one is the most important
to be number one is the most important thing
could construct strong characters which is good to achieve what they want
Description: 'which' refers to what?
another’s problem become their problem too
other' problem become their problem too
some people think that teach the children to work or study together and help each other could build beneficial citizens
some people think that teaching the children to work or study together and help each other could build beneficial citizens
Sentence: The best leader is not person who is dominant than others, but the people who could feel what other people sense and move to assist others to solve their troubles.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and sense
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Different Words: 145 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 273 350
No. of Characters: 1264 1500
No. of Different Words: 145 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.065 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.63 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.237 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 53 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 32 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 14 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.852 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.626 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5