Nowadays, young people admire media and sport stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

Essay topics:

Nowadays, young people admire media and sport stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

Nowadays, young people make a media and sport stars as their role model even though these stars are not good figures. I tend to think that teenagers should not do this.
Following not-so-good stars will affect their habits. They might think that every move from these figures are popular youth styles and whoever that does not follow it are old school people. They like to copy these star’s activities without being aware of its impacts. And they ignore their culture, sometimes. For example, Indonesian’s youth love to watch Korean and western movies and dramas. They have been daydream the scenes and try to do it. It is a good thing if the scene is an activity in their age but, mostly, it is not.
Teenagers in Indonesia think that kissing her or his pair is normal, due to the movies or dramas they watched. It is common in its origin countries but they live in Indonesia, an eastern culture country, in which kissing is activity for married couple. Another act they try to copy is about smokes, drugs, and alcohols. Having party with these things is the best party they have ever had. They know what will happen if they consume these things but they ignore it. The best, but also dangerous, party is better than common party with soda. This will absolutely ruin their health.
The last and very broad habit they try to imitate is about lifestyle. Those artists dressed up in luxury style with branded goods cover their body. Those young people who want to duplicate this style will do anything, even commit crimes, to get appearance like their idol.

Votes
Average: 6.1 (1 vote)

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 168, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'is'?
Suggestion: is
...les and whoever that does not follow it are old school people. They like to copy th...
^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, so, for example

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 13.1623246493 114% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 7.85571142285 76% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 10.4138276553 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 7.30460921844 82% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 24.0651302605 183% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 26.0 41.998997996 62% => OK
Nominalization: 1.0 8.3376753507 12% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1300.0 1615.20841683 80% => OK
No of words: 273.0 315.596192385 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.7619047619 5.12529762239 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.06481385082 4.20363070211 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.22900921205 2.80592935109 79% => OK
Unique words: 164.0 176.041082164 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.600732600733 0.561755894193 107% => OK
syllable_count: 396.0 506.74238477 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.60771543086 93% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 5.43587174349 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Interrogative: 0.0 0.384769539078 0% => OK
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.10420841683 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 0.809619238477 371% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.76152304609 42% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 16.0721442886 118% => OK
Sentence length: 14.0 20.2975951904 69% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 30.0382950411 49.4020404114 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 68.4210526316 106.682146367 64% => OK
Words per sentence: 14.3684210526 20.7667163134 69% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.57894736842 7.06120827912 22% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.01903807615 20% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.67935871743 104% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.9879759519 100% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 3.4128256513 176% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.251142354628 0.244688304435 103% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.076023991562 0.084324248473 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0705933831252 0.0667982634062 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.188816479645 0.151304729494 125% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.121979961833 0.056905535591 214% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 8.2 13.0946893788 63% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.73 50.2224549098 131% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.44779559118 42% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.6 11.3001002004 67% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.74 12.4159519038 78% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.09 8.58950901804 94% => OK
difficult_words: 65.0 78.4519038076 83% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 5.5 9.78957915832 56% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 7.6 10.1190380762 75% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.7795591182 74% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 61.797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.