In the contemporary world, adverts play a crucial role as a practical instrument to inform all customers of the information about incoming products. However, it is commonly believed that a myriad of sales of different commodities illustrate the role of advertising instead of whether those goods fulfil the real needs of our society. I agree with the view in some circumstances.
It is reasonable to believe that the high sales of goods are attributable to the overwhelming power of various commercials. In general, to promote products, most companies have a tendency to provide customers with an exaggerated account of the quality of products, and this can seduce numerous shoppers into impetuously purchasing a series of goods they actually do not need, including luxury items, electronic devices, and some other objects. For instance, in some periods, people are likely to stock up on carbonated beverages to take advantage of the advertised special offer, and such products involve some chemical substances, such as added preservatives, which even have detrimental impacts on their health.
On the other hand, some people also argue that a number of sales can represent the needs of modern society. A variety of goods, including daily necessities that are not universally merchandised using a series of adverts, still can be sold out immediately. As an illustration, dairy and healthcare products will always be in high demand even if they are not promoted by adverts since such products have implications for individuals’ growing process and health maintenance.
To conclude with my opinion, the high sales of particular goods are attributable to the fact that adverts give an exaggerated description of the products’ quality and popularity. However, other essential items people tend to stock up on still can reflect the needs of society.
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: However, it is commonly believed that a myriad of sales of different commodities illustrate the role of advertising instead of whether those goods fulfil the real needs of our society.
Error: fulfil Suggestion: fulfill
flaws:
1. Need to simplify the sentences, for example:
adverts play a crucial role as a practical instrument to inform all customers of the information about incoming products.
revised:
adverts play a crucial role to inform customers about the incoming products. //'inform' is enough, don't need to be 'to inform all customers of the information'
2. Don't repeat phrases or words, like:
a myriad of sales
the high sales
a number of sales
read a sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-ielts-academic-essays/toda…
see, she can use varieties of sentences.
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Your problem is that there is a 'pattern' in your mind for the full topic or for a single sentence. You need to do more reading and learn how to use verbs and how to make the sentences smoothly.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 292 350
No. of Characters: 1518 1500
No. of Different Words: 167 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.134 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.199 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.961 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.545 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.933 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.38 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.603 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.049 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e detrimental impacts on their health. On the other hand, some people also argu...
^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rowing process and health maintenance. To conclude with my opinion, the high sa...
^^^
Line 7, column 283, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...still can reflect the needs of society.
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, however, if, so, still, for instance, in general, such as, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 13.1623246493 68% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 7.85571142285 76% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 10.4138276553 58% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 6.0 7.30460921844 82% => OK
Pronoun: 15.0 24.0651302605 62% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 41.998997996 114% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 8.3376753507 72% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1574.0 1615.20841683 97% => OK
No of words: 292.0 315.596192385 93% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3904109589 5.12529762239 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.13376432452 4.20363070211 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.15997736286 2.80592935109 113% => OK
Unique words: 167.0 176.041082164 95% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.571917808219 0.561755894193 102% => OK
syllable_count: 502.2 506.74238477 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.60771543086 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 5.43587174349 55% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.384769539078 0% => OK
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.10420841683 48% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 0.809619238477 371% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.76152304609 126% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 11.0 16.0721442886 68% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 20.2975951904 128% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 75.7907079064 49.4020404114 153% => OK
Chars per sentence: 143.090909091 106.682146367 134% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.5454545455 20.7667163134 128% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.81818181818 7.06120827912 125% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.01903807615 60% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.67935871743 69% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.9879759519 25% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 3.4128256513 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.206907161455 0.244688304435 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0815846315746 0.084324248473 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0539403193944 0.0667982634062 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.122266824831 0.151304729494 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0295871774393 0.056905535591 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.2 13.0946893788 131% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.63 50.2224549098 73% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.44779559118 150% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 11.3001002004 129% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.28 12.4159519038 115% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.9 8.58950901804 115% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 78.4519038076 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 9.78957915832 123% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 10.1190380762 123% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 78.6516853933 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 7.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.