Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 13: A/D? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.

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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 13: A/D? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.

There is no doubt that relatives and family members played a decisive role in every individual's social life in the past but, nowadays, the social interactions has changed. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that the importance of family members has declined while others hold exactly the opposite perspective. From my vantage point, the extended family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, has lost its significance in comparison to the past. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint for missed relationship between relatives.

The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that people relied on their family members in the past whereas they prefer solitude nowadays. In fact, people lived near their relatives because they required help but nowadays, lifestyle is changing by leaps and bounds that everybody is able to do anything by himself. For example, security is an important issue that our ancestors used to assist each other to preserve against dangers by living nearly while technological and social progresses has improved security situations to the extent that every individual can contend with any issue alone. Therefore, people do not pay as much attention to their families and relatives as they did in the past.

Another equally important reason is that people are so busy that they cannot spend too much time with their family. That is to say, everybody has special concerns to achieve his goals that no more time is left to spare with family members and to attend family reunions. In this regard, I may explain my husband's experience. He is a stockbroker who is always tracking changes in the market and following any news and events in the world that may take a hold in the market. Thus, he is always working even at home day and night and consequently we can visit our family only once or twice a year.

Finally, it is an indisputable fact that families have only few members including one or two child. This means that children do not understand the meaning of relationships between family members and relatives. For instance, I used to play with my cousins and stay with my grandparents when my parents were not home. In addition, I have two siblings that made me to bond with my family. This clarifies the fact that single children do not perceive love for an extended family nowadays. Hence, the family loses its significance day by day.

Decisively, if one assesses the relationship between family members and compares it to the past, one soon realizes that the extended family has lost its significance nowadays. In fact, developments in lifestyle and no need to others' help, lack of time because of busy lifestyle, and limits on the number of children have affected the relations between family members and have omitted the importance of extended family.

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Average: 6.3 (3 votes)
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the social interactions has changed.
the social interactions have changed.

technological and social progresses has improved security situations
technological and social progresses have improved security situations

children do not understand the meaning of relationships between family members and relatives.
children do not understand the meaning of relationships among family members and relatives.

have affected the relations between family members
have affected the relations between two family members
have affected the relations among family members

flaws:
No. of Words: 474 while No. of Different Words: 229

We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 474 350
No. of Characters: 2325 1500
No. of Different Words: 229 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.666 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.905 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.64 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 176 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.55 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.81 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

My flaw mostly is the low number of different words in comparison to the total number of words. Although I try to use synonyms and diverse vocabulary, I cannot increase it. For instance, I use "decrease", "reduce", "decline" and the like alternatively. Additionally, are the words used as verb, noun and adjective counted as different words? Take the word "abstract" which is a verb, noun and adjective, as an example! I cannot understand the problem. How can I solve this problem?

Vocabulary words are not your problem. Your big problem is wordy. There is a pattern in your mind and this has limited your essay's development. for example, in the introduction paragraph:

There is no doubt that relatives and family members played a decisive role in every individual's social life in the past but, nowadays, the social interactions has changed. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that the importance of family members has declined while others hold exactly the opposite perspective. From my vantage point, the extended family, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, has lost its significance in comparison to the past. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint for missed relationship between relatives.

it is too long because you want to follow a pattern. This will cause a lot of duplicated words. you can compare this sample for the introduction and essay body:

http://www.testbig.com/independent-toefl-writing-essays/topic-56-compan…

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http://www.testbig.com/users/ftn