Humans should expand all aspects of their life to find out their talents and what they enjoy most. I think student should be required to study art and music, because it can helps students to have self confidence, learn more about own and other culture build up the relationship between together.
First of all, art and music play vital role in self confidences of students. Learning art and music cause students think freely and come up with creative ideas. In this case when they face with problem they can overcome the problem with creative solution. That causes them to have self confidence. In addition if they learn art and music and performance their talents, they will be encouraged which, this situation enhance their self confidence.
Second, each national featured their culture, beliefs in their arts or music. And throughout the course student will read some articles about history of arts or will be go to museums or concerts that cause to get aware of these values and cultures. And they have chance to compare their own cultures with other nations and get informed about their similarities and difference.
Last but not least, learning music and art will enable students build up relationship with their classmates. It can be happened in breaks after working hours of learning of serious subjects, mostly in the breaks student are far apart of each other. But by doing some art activities they can form band for their activity, which cause them to get together and do something in group. So they have communicated with all of their classmates. And at least they have something income with whole class and it is art.
In conclusion, because of benefits of art and music courses, which have on students, like enhance their self confidence, get informed about the cultures and team works. It is totally necessary for students in secondary school to attend this kind of courses.
because it can helps students to have self confidence, learn more about own and other culture build up the relationship between together.
because it can helps students to have self confidence, learn more about own and other culture, build up the relationships together.
they will be encouraged which, this situation enhance their self confidence.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
will be go to museums
will go to museums
learning music and art will enable students build up relationship with their classmates
learning music and art will enable students to build up relationships with their classmates
It can be happened in breaks
It can happen in breaks
Sentence: Second, each national featured their culture, beliefs in their arts or music.
Description: The word national is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to national
Sentence: And at least they have something income with whole class and it is art.
Description: A pronoun, nominal is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to something and income
Sentence: In conclusion, because of benefits of art and music courses, which have on students, like enhance their self confidence, get informed about the cultures and team works.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to like and enhance
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 319 350
No. of Characters: 1536 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.226 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.815 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.353 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.765 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.191 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5