TPO24 – Independent: A/D? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them take a part time job

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TPO24 – Independent: A/D? One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them take a part time job

A successful life in adulthood depends on the skills that everybody learns during childhood. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that parents should lead children to take part-time job whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective believing that part-time job is not helpful for the teenagers. In my vantage point, teenagers should spend some time on part-time jobs to become independent and improve their social skills. What follows is the elaboration of my viewpoint.

An important aspect of a person's personality is independence which is engendered through doing tasks solely. In fact, working part-time is the best way to gain experience and become independent. For example, my kid brother used to work in several jobs - including teacher, accountant, and salesperson - when he was at high school. He faced many difficulties in finding jobs, choosing between two jobs and spending his income frugally. He consulted with our parents but finally, he decided independently about the possible solutions of his problems. Reaching pleasant results in his decisions made him more independent and ready for his future life.

Another equally important skill that part-time job provides for teenagers is to learn communicating skills. That is to say, social skills gained in the job environment are totally different from what they experience at school. The common relationship among children at school is friendship but at work they face with several people with diverse positions. For instance, the way that they should talk to their boss is completely different from what happens among friends or teachers and students. They learn not to poke fun at their colleagues and managers, to respect the consumers, and to defer to the managers and experts. Hence, working part-time teaches children a different dimension of social skills.

By and large, if one assesses the effects of part-time job on children, one soon realizes that the best way for parents to help their teenage children succeed in the future life is to exhort them to get an occupation. In fact, working in lower ages brings independence and better social skills to teenagers and makes them ready for their adulthood.

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flaws:
The introduction is wordy. You may put shorter introduction but put one more paragraph, like this:

Admittedly, there are some disadvantages of taking part time job. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support taking part time job, ...first,....second...

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This is the pattern:

Para 1: Introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A). (Introduction could be one sentence.)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...

Para 5: Conclusion.

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 352 350
No. of Characters: 1817 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.331 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.162 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.708 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.556 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.654 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.492 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.135 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5