Younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history.

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Younger school children (age’s five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math language, science and history.

Nowadays in many educational programs art and music have acquire a major part in students' curriculums. The question that may arise here is that to what extent these art programs necessary for students’ educations. Different people may give various types of responses to this question based upon their social, cultural or even familial backgrounds. However, when it comes to me, I conspicuously declare that, art is a feed for our soul and if we want to heighten our minds’ capacity we should not overlooked the pivotal role of arts in our lives. Among the most predominant reasons in support of this contention, discovering future artists, and reducing anxiety and depression could be picked out for further analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, since a country relies on its artists who are symbols for entire country’s culture, the integral role of raising illuminative artists gain momentum. To elucidate on, by introducing art and music to children in their early years of life, we could explore potential talents and thus nurture their skills to pave the road for them to become future artists. Any person needs role models and aspiration in order to attract to a particular art major, if we show our children art’s role models it is more convenient for them to become one of them someday. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. According to a recent research conducted in Cambridge University, the major proportional applications for art schools came from those who had art class in their early years of education.

Beside the aforementioned point, art and music have very immense calming effects that could be used in schools to reduce students’ anxieties and help them with their mental problems. Since psychological issues are one of the most alarming phenomenons in our modern society, art could be an influential way to grow happy citizens for our society. Many scholars elaborate this idea by emphasizing the undeniable fact that, while it is generally presumed that art and music are just hobbies that are absolutely redundant for educational purposes, the positive results of this extra programs forms a distinctive voice. To be more impartial, some insightful minds assert that the prime reason for attending school is learning major skills such as science and history, thus art programs will deviate students’ minds from these important issues. But when we look at this contention providently, we could observe that these art programs are crucial for our students in many different aspects.

To put it in a nutshell, although many sophisticated people may think otherwise, I reiterate that, the pivotal role of art and music programs should be underscored. Back to the beginning controversial question, I cite a clear bias in favor of this indisputable fact that, art and music could aid us coping with our daily problems. To recapitulate, not only could we discover new inspiring artists with these programs, but also by introducing children to these programs, we could reduce anxiety and depression in our next generations.

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have acquire a major part
have acquired a major part

to what extent these art programs necessary for students’ educations
to what extent these art programs are necessary for students’ educations

Sentence: To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, since a country relies on its artists who are symbols for entire country's culture, the integral role of raising illuminative artists gain momentum.
Error: illuminative Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
Introduction paragraph should be simpler. And be careful don't make any mistakes in introduction.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 509 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.75 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.006 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.743 2.4
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.278 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.541 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.509 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5