Your school has received a gift of money What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money Use specific reasons and details to support your choice

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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

The best possible utilization of that gift of money would be in developing sport infrastructure, so the school should invest that money in creating better sport facilities within the school premises. This is because current facilities are not upto the standard; increasing sport facilities will increase fitness and health of students; and it will also reduce monotony in the lives of students.

First, current levels of sport infrastructure in my school are not upto the required standard set up by CBSE (the sole governing body monitoring the quality of education and progress of schools) which m...

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Sentence: This is because current facilities are not upto the standard; increasing sport facilities will increase fitness and health of students; and it will also reduce monotony in the lives of students.
Error: upto Suggestion: up to

Sentence: First, current levels of sport infrastructure in my school are not upto the required standard set up by CBSE the sole governing body monitoring the quality of education and progress of schools which makes it mandatory for the school to ensure at least 3 hours of sport, exercise, or any outdoor activity per week.
Error: upto Suggestion: up to

Sentence: Therefore, if our school is able to increase sport facilities upto the desired standard set by CBSE, we are sure to secure a good rank in ABC rankings next year.
Error: upto Suggestion: up to

Sentence: Increasing sports equipment and tools in the school like volleyball, basketball, cricket, badminton, and table tennis will encourage students to engage in outdoo activities, which will help in improving their physical health and fitness.
Error: outdoo Suggestion: outdoor

Sentence: There is a well known saying-' all work no play makes jack a dull boy' and the school should take some cue from this wise qoute and look to develop a better sport facilities.
Error: qoute Suggestion: quote

flaws:
Some duplicate words or sentences. Look:
No. of Words: 484 while No. of Different Words: 228

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 484 350
No. of Characters: 2414 1500
No. of Different Words: 228 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.69 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.988 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.607 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 178 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.728 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.563 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

First, don't need to list reasons in the introduction and conclusion both. This will create duplicated content.

In the introduction, you can simply put 'The reasons go as follows.'
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second, read this pattern, it may help somehow:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.

Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First

Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter

Para 5: Conclusion.
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Third, you may read books like 'New concept English'. There are good articles for essay writing.