TPO 1, Integrated Writing
In this set of materials, the reading claims that the companies should offer four days work to their employees which provides advantages for whole economy and companies and individual employees as well. While, in the lecture, the professor casts doubt on what is presented in the text and refutes each of author's reasons.
First, It is clearly stated in the text that the companies benefites will be increased by effective performances of employees due to more resting time. However, the professor believe that it is not true. He explains from another angle that more employees significantly cost more for the companies, because they need to spend more time on training and medical. Furthermore, more office space and computer which shoud be provided for such amount of employees exaggerate the costs. Considering these aspects, more number of employees not only help the componies but is also harm their benefites.
In addition, the professor desagrees with the point that four day employees decreses unemployment rate. He point out that significant rate of unemployment can not be compensated by a less number of jobs which may be proposed in this theory. Morover, he explain that generally this kind of four day employees will not provid new jobs becuase the componies may force employees to do five day works in four days. Therefore, only an unpleasent job condition covers the componies' enviroments.
Finally, although it is mentioned in the text that the quality of employees' lives will be raised due to their more free time, the professor provides some evidence to rejects this view. He states that less number of working hours lead to unsteability in job situation. It means that the employees with four days works should accept a risk of lossing thier job. This situation may encourage them to perefer five days job instead of accepting the risk of unemployment.
Comments
If this text was written free
If this text was written free of grammatical and spelling errors, what score is given to it??
I replace 'which' with 'in order to', Is it correct now?
re-write: the companies should offer four days work to their employees in order to provides advantages for whole economy, companies and individual employees as well.
can it be rewritten as below?
re-write: more number of employees not only do not help the companies but is also harm their benefits?
more number of employees do not help the companies and harm their benefits also?
Around 22 in 30 without
Around 22 in 30 without errors.
The important thing is that you need to understand how to use 'which', 'not only...but also'. You don't just replace them with something else or remove them.
the companies should offer four days work to their employees which provides advantages for whole economy and companies and individual employees as well.
Description: 'which' refers to what?
Description: a lot of 'and'
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
the companies benefites will be increased by
the companies' benefits will be increased by
the professor believe that
the professor believes that
more number of employees not only help the componies but is also harm their benefites.
Description: Not only...but also is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?
four day employees decreses unemployment rate.
four day's employment decreases unemployment rate.
He point out that
He points out that
he explain that
he explains that
some evidence to rejects this view.
some evidence to reject this view.
Sentence: First, It is clearly stated in the text that the companies benefites will be increased by effective performances of employees due to more resting time.
Error: benefites Suggestion: benefits
Sentence: Furthermore, more office space and computer which shoud be provided for such amount of employees exaggerate the costs.
Error: shoud Suggestion: should
Sentence: Considering these aspects, more number of employees not only help the componies but is also harm their benefites.
Error: benefites Suggestion: benefits
Error: componies Suggestion: companies
Sentence: In addition, the professor desagrees with the point that four day employees decreses unemployment rate.
Error: decreses Suggestion: decreases
Error: desagrees Suggestion: disagrees
Sentence: Morover, he explain that generally this kind of four day employees will not provid new jobs becuase the componies may force employees to do five day works in four days.
Error: becuase Suggestion: because
Error: provid Suggestion: proved
Error: componies Suggestion: companies
Sentence: Therefore, only an unpleasent job condition covers the componies' enviroments.
Error: unpleasent Suggestion: unpleasant
Error: enviroments Suggestion: environments
Error: componies Suggestion: companies
Sentence: He states that less number of working hours lead to unsteability in job situation.
Error: unsteability Suggestion: instability
Sentence: It means that the employees with four days works should accept a risk of lossing thier job.
Error: lossing Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: thier Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: This situation may encourage them to perefer five days job instead of accepting the risk of unemployment.
Error: perefer Suggestion: prefer
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 16 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 15 in 30
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 16 2
No. of Sentences: 15 12
No. of Words: 308 250
No. of Characters: 1534 1200
No. of Different Words: 161 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.189 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.981 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.668 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.154 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.145 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4