Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Introduction:-Personally, I agree with the statement that attending a live concert is more enjoyable than watching the same events on television.For me , attending live concert means enjoy together with real audience,stay far away from television screen and know the sense of real emotion with the real people, and learning creative things among the real audiences.
To begin with, I think that attending live concert give me the opportunity to enjoy with real audience: is my most favorite way of enjoyment ever I did.Many people say that television is a better option for them, but I believe that most of the people like me get enjoyed with real concert rather than television.Though television save people's time by showing only the best selected seen or story and saving the important time, I think that live is live.In fact, reality has a strong value than television.
In addition to enjoy together with real audience, I believe that staying far from television screen and get familiar with the real emotion is my another great thing. I feel great to getting acquainted with new people and sharing things with them and learning new ideas for ideal life from them. I am a kind of person, like to enjoy get along with new friends get support from them as they have and also provide support and expertise when they need.By way of example, When I was attending concert , I met with a new friend, was suffering from leg problem without getting any medicine.I suggest her the better way to reach in the hospital with her low economic status. Consequently, she got treatment for her illness with my little effort.
Finally, in combination with enjoyment with real audience,staying far from television screen, live concert is a way to learning creative things from the people who have such expertise.By way of example,My friend learned his music and singing clues by attending live concert and practicing them as a regular routine in his own room.
To sum up, considering enjoy with real people,stay far from the television screen and learning creative things from the people who have specialty in certain genre lead to me to agree that live concert is preferable in my case.
I think that attending live concert give me the opportunity to enjoy
Suggestion: I think that attending live concert gives me the opportunity to enjoy
Sentence: In addition to enjoy together with real audience, I believe that staying far from television screen and get familiar with the real emotion is my another great thing.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, singular
Suggestion: Refer to my and another
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Need to remove repetitive words or sentences.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 319 350
No. of Characters: 1463 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.226 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.586 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.387 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 76 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 42 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 39.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 28.396 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.875 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.47 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.675 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.272 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5