You are hereMany people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.


annisak's picture

By annisak - Posted on 20 March 2013

Essay topic: 

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

Today, as I know, money is one of most important point in life. Without making money, I cannot get well-education, health food, buying clothe and many of basic-human needs. Hence, I think I point out that I should have much money in my saving in order to enjoy my life and having fun.

I can easily get money, if I would. Having real-job in big company is one way to get money permanently. I can saving in bank from every month to other month. Until I do not realize that I am just saving them. Another way besides that is making my own business. It can make my saving more bigger and grow rapidly. For example, I am an officer in biggest palm-oil company in Indonesia. My position is business analyst staff for two-year. I know that I can save my money every month but it is very constant income. Hence, I decide to sell online-product such as neckale, bracelet, and ring. It can gain my money besides become member of company.

After I collect my money, sometimes on weekend I can buy some clothes and shoes and travel to another city. It all occurs because I have money. Everything I do is become easy. If I do not have cash, I use my own debet card and credit card. Spending my money like that makes my feeling better. I can enjoy my life. For example, on weekend like Saturday and Sunday, I will go to restaurant and shopping to complete my own-need. Then, If I had more than two days free to vacation, I would go to place where I never been visited.It will be very interesting.

In conclusion, I collect money from job as staff from big company and then having my side-job. After that, I can spend all of money and enjoy my life.

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Sentence: I can saving in bank from every month to other month.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to can and saving

Sentence: For example, I am an officer in biggest palm-oil company in Indonesia.
Description: The token in is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to in and biggest

Sentence: If I do not have cash, I use my own debet card and credit card.
Error: debet Suggestion: debt

flaws:
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Avg. Sentence Length: 12.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.297 7.5

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 308 350
No. of Characters: 1282 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.189 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.162 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.334 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 77 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 51 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 11 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 12.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.297 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.458 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.414 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.14 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

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