People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do- rather than doing thing they should do.
I completely agree with the statement that people spend too much time on personal entertainments than the past for several reason that I mention bellow:
First of all, today’s pressure of life is very touchable , people experience many anxiety and carry heavy burden of life thus, to relief from this pressure they have to some enjoyment. In the past people have much more relation and connection. They spend more time with the family and friends even they neighbors. They have not TV to amuse them, simply they amuse each other by conversation, tell story but today’s people have not enough time to communicate directly.
Secondly, roaring development of technology in recent years plays a critical role in amusing people.it is enough to search in google to access variety of plays and games, the internet is on hand everywhere, this price is low and some applications and tools are free, many people addict to it and some social website like facebook. Many people are access to smart phone too, this is influence their enjoyment , they can carry them everywhere they wish .for example most of people check their facebook and mail several time a day, even in workplace or class room.
Finally, no one can assign what should or should not to do, doing enjoyment is justify and reasonable, it is not hurt or upset anyone.it is personal tendency that cause people to choose what they want to do. It is depends on our outlook on life. Definition of what enjoinment and what someone should do is different among people. We live in enormous world with different people and idea.
To wrap it up, in my point of view, pressure of civilized world and accessibility of entertainments, also personal tendency lead to people spend much time to entertainment in compare with the past.
Sentence: They spend more time with the family and friends even they neighbors.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and neighbors
Sentence: Many people are access to smart phone too, this is influence their enjoyment , they can carry them everywhere they wish. for example most of people check their facebook and mail several time a day, even in workplace or class room.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and influence
Sentence: Finally, no one can assign what should or should not to do, doing enjoyment is justify and reasonable, it is not hurt or upset anyone. it is personal tendency that cause people to choose what they want to do.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and justify
Sentence: To wrap it up, in my point of view, pressure of civilized world and accessibility of entertainments, also personal tendency lead to people spend much time to entertainment in compare with the past.
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to in and compare
Sentence: Definition of what enjoinment and what someone should do is different among people.
Error: enjoinment Suggestion: enjoyment
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Different Words: 163 200
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 63 80
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Characters: 1433 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.172 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.729 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.538 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 95 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 63 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 45 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.532 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.36 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.645 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.12 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5