People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work?
Many wealthy people working, they had not need money but they work so acquiring money is not the only reason for working.
First of all, people attend university to prepare job. They working hard during their educational period to obtain knowledge and experiments. The treasure that people gathered throughout years of learning someday must be applied. They apply their experiment and knowledge in their career otherwise the years of education is absurd.no educated person with good background wants to be useless. People work to build their personality, they compete each other to occupy better job, the better the job is, the most respect people receive, thus social position is one of the motivation which draw people to work.
Secondly, humankind need to be in society, connection with other people help to be healthy. In workplace people can communicate each other and enjoy it, in this place, people can find their best friend; connect with different people and personality. The colleague can learn from each other. For example when I was an apprentice, I learn many thing from my co-worker and now, after some years we relate each other although I give up my former work.
Last but not least, the sense of being independent play significant role to draw people attending at work. younger people wish go to work to be independent from their family, independence make them feel more content, other people can count on working people because they have responsibility. The working people can take burden of life easier because of experience of responsibility. This people have promising future, they can build their own future by their hand without relying on anyone else. For example, when I was young and newly graduated from university I was eager to go to work and the first wage was as a treasure for me because it give me a sense of being a live and of course being independent.
To wrap it up, in my point of view people working not only for earning money but also to be a healthy, responsible and independent one, this element play critical role to build someone personality.
Sentence: Last but not least, the sense of being independent play significant role to draw people attending at work. younger people wish go to work to be independent from their family, independence make them feel more content, other people can count on working people because they have responsibility.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to play and significant
Description: The fragment independence make them is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, past tense
Sentence: This people have promising future, they can build their own future by their hand without relying on anyone else.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to This and people
Sentence: For example, when I was young and newly graduated from university I was eager to go to work and the first wage was as a treasure for me because it give me a sense of being a live and of course being independent.
Description: The fragment it give me is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace give with verb, past tense
...this element play critical role to build someone personality.
Suggestion: ...this element plays critical role to build someone personality.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 353 350
No. of Characters: 1693 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.335 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.796 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.549 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.121 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.592 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5