Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information Others think access to much information creates problems Which view do you agree with Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay topics:

Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Nowadays, Internet becomes a popular tool and necessary thing in our life. It is broaden at everywhere over the world. It brings us a lot of advantages such as sharing information, connect everyone ... so on. However, the problems which are caused by Internet are not a few. In my opinion, Internet provides us a lot of valuable information than harmful problems.

As mentioned before, there are a lot of benefits brought by Internet. It is considered as a information gate where everyone can share data, pictures, materials to other people. Therefore, it is easy to look for information by using Internet. A special example is about learning. Before I had to spent whole day, even one week to go to the library in order to search material for researches. There were too many books to read all and note which information I wanted. Furthermore, choosing a specified book in the library is difficult. But Internet helps me save a lot of time to do it. I only google with key words and it just takes some million seconds to show results. In addition, those results are often from authors or professors or researchers in all countries over the world. And they are updated every hours. Hence, it is a good chance to approach new knowledge and technologies.

According to this, Internet is also a place where connects everyone together. For example, you are living in Vietnam but your family is in United State. How can you contact with your family ? Using telephone, mail or others? If you use telephone or cell-phone, you only hear the voice from members in your family. But if you utilize Internet, you not only hear the voice but also see the face. Besides, there are a lot of tools or applications which are built on Internet such as Facebook, Yahoo chat or Skype...so on. They are advantageous to contact with everyone and do not need you pay money.

In opposite, Internet also causes harmful issues such as losing private information. As you know, Facebook is a network society where everyone can post or share information on it. Because of this, bad guys or hackers will steal data and use it in adverse things. Moreover, there are also some nasty images or films on Internet. It destroys human's characteristics and spirit.

In conclusion, depend on the way you use Internet, it will bring benefits or cause problems which affect to your life.

Votes
Average: 8.3 (70 votes)
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Comments

Sentence: According to this, Internet is also a place where connects everyone together.
Description: The fragment where connects everyone is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace where with where it

Sentence: In conclusion, depend on the way you use Internet, it will bring benefits or cause problems which affect to your life.
Description: The fragment , depend on is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace depend with depending

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.129 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.549 7.5

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 31 15
No. of Words: 407 350
No. of Characters: 1873 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.492 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.602 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.601 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.129 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.549 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.548 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.245 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.414 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

The essay is well organized, but it's not well-related to the topic. The prompt is not about the advantages of the internet as you mentioned in your Introduction. It's about whether lots of information provided on the net is problematic or not for the people. Your arguments don't relate to the topic. Focus here is "abundance of information on the internet" Is it good or bad, that's it.
Additionally your last paragraph shouldn't be written in your essay, because it's obviously your opponent's view. You shouldn't support their views but rather your own side. Please take my comments into consideration))