TOEFL integrated writing Altruism

Essay topics:

TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism.

<b>Passage:</b>

Altruism is a type of behavior in which an animal sacrifices its own interest for that of another animal or group of animals. Altruism is the opposite of selfishness; individuals performing altruistic acts gain nothing for themselves.

Examples of altruism abound, both among humans and among other mammals. Unselfish acts among humans range from the sharing of food with strangers to the donation of body organs to family members, and even to strangers. Such acts are altruistic in that they benefit another, yet provide little reward to the one performing the act.In fact, many species of animals appear willing to sacrifice food, or even their life, to assist other members of their group.

The meerkat, which is a mammal that dwells in burrows in grassland areas of Africa, is often cited as an example. In groups of meerkats, an individual acts as a sentinel, standing guard and looking out for predators while the others hunt for food or eat food they have obtained. If the sentinel meerkat sees a predator such as a hawk approaching the group, it gives an alarm cry alerting the other meerkats to run and seek shelter. By standing guard,the sentinel meerkat gains nothing—it goes without food while the others eat, and it places itself in grave danger. After it issues an alarm, it has to flee alone, which might make it more at risk to a predator, since animals in groups are often able to work together to fend off a predator. So the altruistic sentinel behavior helps ensure the survival of other members of the meerkat’s group.

<b>Listening Script:</b>

You know, often in science, new findings force us to re-examine earlier beliefs and assumptions.

And a recent study of meerkats is having exactly this effect. The study examined the meerkat’s behavior quite closely, much more closely than had ever been done before. And some interesting things were found . . . like about eating habits . . . it showed that typically meerkats eat before they stand guard—so the ones standing guard had a full stomach! And the study also found that since the sentinel is the first to see a predator coming, it’s the most likely to escape . . . because it often stands guard near a burrow, so it can run immediately into the burrow after giving the alarm.

The other meerkats, the ones scattered about looking for food, are actually in greater danger. And in fact, other studies have suggested that when an animal creates an alarm,the alarm call might cause the other group members either to gather together or else to move about very quickly, behaviors that might actually draw the predator’s attention away from the caller, increasing that animal’s own chances of survival.

And what about people—what about some human acts that might be considered altruistic? Let’s take an extreme case, uh, suppose a person donates a kidney to a relative, or even to a complete stranger. A selfless act, right? But . . . doesn’t the donor receive appreciation and approval from the stranger and from society? Doesn’t the donor gain an increased sense of self-worth? Couldn’t such non-material rewards be considered very valuable to some people?

Que: Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, being sure to specifically explain how they cast doubt on points made in the reading.

<b>Writing:</b>

The lecture contradicts the passage discussing altruism. In the lecture, a careful study of meerkats has been discussed. According to the study, meerkats stand guard after having food, unlike mentioned in the passage.

Another observation that was made was that the meerkat sentinel is the first one to escape since it is the first one to see the predator. Also, the burrow is nearby so it doesn't have to cover a long distance alone. This is again in contradiction with the passage's declaration.

Furthermore, the study found that the predator is likely to attack in a direction away from the cry of the sentinel so the statement in the passage that the sentinel is at a greater risk is incorrect. The probability of the predator assailing the group of meerkats foraging for food is higher.

The lecture also covered altruism in case of human beings. An example of donation of kidney has been considered. This example explains that it would not be correct to assert that the donor is an altruist and is not gaining anything out of the unselfish act he performs because he would receive appreciation from the society and experience the feeing of self-worth. So, in a way he receives something non-material in exchange for a materialistic object. This is another place where the lecture is in opposition to the passage.

To conclude, it can be said that the altruist also receives something, latent or patent, in exchange for his good deed.

Votes
Average: 7.8 (12 votes)
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Comments

Sentence: This example explains that it would not be correct to assert that the donor is an altruist and is not gaining anything out of the unselfish act he performs because he would receive appreciation from the society and experience the feeing of self-worth.
Error: feeing Suggestion: feeling

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 14 8
No. of Words: 246 200
No. of Characters: 1168 800
No. of Different Words: 133 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.96 3.7
Average Word Length: 4.748 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.734 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 50
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 30
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.404 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.429 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.594 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

The article state about the altruistic behavior of human and other mamals and talk about meerkat and provide some example of being altruistic by the mamal. But the lecture provide by the professor refute this example as an act of altruism by providing various reason against it.
Firstly, the article state the the brave work of meerkat who work as a sentinel and guard the other meerkat and give alarm when any predators invade the area and risk its life. But the lecture told that the meerkat who work as a sentinel run away just after giving the alarm. He also stated that the alarm also come from the other group members. Thus disprove the altruistic behavior of sentinel meerkat.
Secondly, the article posit that after the alarm given by the sentinel meerkat other meerkat who went for food collection stay from home and this made the sentinel meerkat stave. However the lecture said that the sentinel meerkat eat before they stand for guard and refusing to take it as an altruistic behavior.
And finally, The article stated another altruistic behavior of human by donation of food and human organ to the others. But the lecture refute this by saying that people do it for self satisfaction and appreciation as well as social self worth