TOEFL integrated writing communal online encyclopedia

The article states that communal online encyclopedias are not useful as traditional ones and casts doubt on three aspects of them. However the professor believes that, this opinion comes from prejudice of author and his unawareness of communal online encyclopedias way of working. She opposes each reasons of the author.

First of all, the reading passage contents that the writers of online encyclopedias are large number of people and it might some of them be none expert and will give false information to people. Nevertheless, lecturer refuses this Idea By explaining that, Like all of traditional encyclopedia this online ones has some problems and are not errorless. But the advantages of this type is that, if any falsification has seen, it will be corrected immediately. Unlike traditional version of encyclopedia which might contain errors for several years.

Secondly, the article avers that, It is possible for hackers to hack the contents of materials and publish wrong things in encyclopedia. However the professor ignores this claim by saying that, in this online encyclopedia the crucial information are in read only format and no one can change them. Also she mentions that, second strategy for prohibiting hackers of doing vandal actions is deligation the responsibility of checking sources to some people. In this way they will remove false information or revise documents which have wrong contents.

Ultimately, the essay mentions that on online encyclopedias everything such as trivial and popular topics covered completely and believes it is not good. However the professor opposes this Idea by stating that, In the past and traditional encyclopedias due to lack of space authors cannot put every subjects in encyclopedias and they have to select important ones among all of the available information. But now people can find a diversity of information in online encyclopedias and use it. She says that, this characteristic is one of the most important advantages of communal online encyclopedias over traditional encyclopedias.

Votes
Average: 6 (3 votes)
Essay Categories

Sentence: She opposes each reasons of the author.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to each and reasons

Sentence: Also she mentions that, second strategy for prohibiting hackers of doing vandal actions is deligation the responsibility of checking sources to some people.
Suggestion: Also she mentions that, second strategy for prohibiting hackers of doing vandal actions is to delegate (or delegating) the responsibility of checking sources to some people.

Sentence: Nevertheless, lecturer refuses this Idea By explaining that, Like all of traditional encyclopedia this online ones has some problems and are not errorless.
Error: errorless Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Words: 321 250 (write the essay in 20 minutes)

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 15 12
No. of Words: 321 250
No. of Characters: 1698 1200
No. of Different Words: 164 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.233 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.29 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.036 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.915 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.549 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4