what recent news story has affected you the most?

Essay topics:

what recent news story has affected you the most?

In our life, there are many events and news story that happen each hour in our surrounding. But, it is important that what news affected you? Recently I heard about master students that accepted in high level university at PhD and I cannot pass exam. I think it is so great if I could achieve this goal like them. The news affected me a lot.

It is so important to try for achieving your goal in your life. I think studying hard can influence our life in the future. By graduating at high level of studying at university like PhD, we can occupied in better career and have high respect in society. The reason why they can achieve their goal and I can’t is apparent. When they try hard and studying, I spend my time foolishly. I played game all the time by computer and read novel. I think it is important to be relaxed in my life and enjoy it. Now, after I seeing this successfulness, I think I have to study hard instead of sitting and relaxing.

In the second, my family and my future is more important in my thinking. Therefore, for having best life in future and happiness of my parents I should I try best in my studying. After my studying I will get my business and have my own way to be successful. All of them are my motive to try for my goal without paying game and going to picnic with my friend a lot.

In conclusion, I tried to achieve my goal when I heard the news about successfulness of young people in studying. So, I motivate to try for my life and future and happiness of my family. If I manipulated all of my ability, I think I will certainly successful person in future.

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Average: 6.8 (5 votes)
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Sentence: By graduating at high level of studying at university like PhD, we can occupied in better career and have high respect in society.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to can and occupied

Sentence: Now, after I seeing this successfulness, I think I have to study hard instead of sitting and relaxing.
Error: successfulness Suggestion: No alternate word

Sentence: In conclusion, I tried to achieve my goal when I heard the news about successfulness of young people in studying.
Error: successfulness Suggestion: No alternate word

flaws:
No. of Different Words: 139 200
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.385 7.5

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 303 350
No. of Characters: 1255 1500
No. of Different Words: 139 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.172 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.142 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.468 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 76 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.15 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.385 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.398 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.546 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5