30 The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
The committee of Calatrava is planning to reduce the funds budgeted for education and recreational facilities, for the reason that the birthrate is declining in Calatrava. This argument seems plausible at the first glance, however, a close scrutiny reveals its untenability.
At the first place, the committee mistakenly equals the lower birthrate to less students. On the one hand, decreasing birthrate does not mean decreasing population of children. Perhaps the more citizens are more likely to adopt children from other cities, or perhaps more citizens prefer to give birth in other places. On the other hand, less children do not necessarily represent the number of students would decline, either. It is a strong possibility that more students from other cities would be matriculated by schools of Calatrava. It is uncertain that whether the students of public schools would decrease, therefore, the funds of education cannot reduce the next decade.
Secondly, the assertion that there would be more adults in Calatrava is gratuitous. If the immigrants and emigrants are not considered, lower birthrate means less children. Smaller adult population in the future can be predicted. Furthermore, the population of adults fluctuated more severely than the number of children. It is hard to predict the tendency of adult population. Thus more funds of facilities and programs for adults may be unnecessary.
Finally, it is unjustifiable to say guarantee more money on city facilities would be at the expanse of reducing funding of education and athletic playing fields. The committee bases their argument on a probably wrong assumption that the budgets of Calatrava would be constant during the next decade. However, it is probable that Calatrava would make so much money that sufficient money can cover education, both conventional and city facilities.
In conclusion, the committee fails to prove that lower birthrate means they could reduce the funds of education and recreational facilities and increase ones of adults programs. To make argument more persuasive, more information of the exact number of students and adults should be provided. The statistics of the income of the Calatrava government and population of immigrants and emigrants are also appreciated.
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK.
suggested:
The author assumes that just because the students population decreases the requirement of the budget funds will also decrease. However there could be an increase in the education expenses due the inflation or other economic changes. This could mean that the funds can't be reduced without affecting the student's education which weakens the author's claim. Next the author also talks about reducing the capital for athletic fields and other recreational activities. Here the author fails to consider other possibilities. Maybe the future students are more interested in recreational or athletic activities. In this scenario, the funds can't be curtailed. Thus the author has to cite evidences that explicitly show that in five years the education expenses remains same and also the student's propensity towards the athletic and recreational activities remained constant.
argument 3 -- not OK
suggested:
the argument claims that the city council could reduce fundings for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities to increase the money allocated on activities for adults. The argument misses that athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities might be used by adults as well as teenagers. Hence, decreasing funding for them is not the best decision. Moreover, the argument readily assumes that programs for adults would have sufficient funds. However, it is possible that the money saved from education and other activities that are primarily targeted young people might not be sufficient for programs used by adults. Hence, additional savings should be made for investing adult programs. Consequently, the city council would not be able to construct facilities of adults if the saving was insufficient.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 352 350
No. of Characters: 1876 1500
No. of Different Words: 164 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.331 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.33 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.848 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 67 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.463 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.067 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5