The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
It is stated in the health magazine that, eating habits of the people has changed and now it is more close to government nutritional recommendation they did ten years ago. Along with that consumption of food containing kiran has also increased which helps to reduce cholesterol. This results decrease in the sales of sulia, a food that few healthy citizens regularly eat. However, before coming to any conclusion some question must be answer.
To begin with, how many people is more concern about their health? Or what has happened in past 10 years that citizen of Forsythe has adopted healthier lifestyle? Maybe majority of the people are concern about their healthful lifestyle but there are few of them who are still not concern about their lifestyle. So statement “The citizen of Forsythe has adopted more healthful lifestyle” is not completely true and it does not hold water. Maybe people have seen more number of deaths in their region due to unhealthy lifestyle which has force them to improve their lifestyle. It may be coincidence that people are following same lifestyle which was recommended by the government ten years ago because it is blatant that people don’t remember exact lifestyle government recommended following ten years ago.
Furthermore, what is the prove that, sales of food product containing kiran has increased due to change in lifestyle of people? Or people purposely include such food in diet to reduce cholesterol? Maybe, food containing kiran test good so many people has started including it in their lifestyle without knowing that it reduce the cholesterol. Maybe that’s the reason of increasing the sale of kiran, because everyone is not a nutritionist or doctor so it is blatant that everyone doesn’t know kiran reduce cholesterol. If it is true then, most of the people have adopted healthier lifestyle without knowing it.
Finally, what is the prove that, reduced in sales of sulia is due food containing kiran? Or on what bases it has been said that increase in demand of food containing kiran has reduce the sale of sulia?
Maybe people those who were concern about their health may have found another and more effective food which they are consuming to maintain and bolster their healthy lifestyle due to this sales of sulia has decreased. Or maybe quality of sulia has decrease which result in decrease in the sales of sulia. If all these assumptions are true then, it has nothing to do with food containing kiran.
In conclusion, evidence provided in the magazine, that support this claim, are dubious as well as erroneous. If more evidence was provided in that health magazine then, it would have strengthened the argument
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 446 350
No. of Characters: 2178 1500
No. of Different Words: 184 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.596 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.883 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.562 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.273 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.143 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.682 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 22, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
... ten years ago. Furthermore, what is the prove that, sales of food product containing ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 18, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...ithout knowing it. Finally, what is the prove that, reduced in sales of sulia is due ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 178, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'reduced'.
Suggestion: reduced
... in demand of food containing kiran has reduce the sale of sulia? Maybe people those...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hing to do with food containing kiran. In conclusion, evidence provided in the ...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, furthermore, however, if, may, so, still, then, well, as for, in conclusion, as well as, it is true, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 28.8173652695 153% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2249.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 444.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 5.06531531532 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.5903493882 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6384277189 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 195.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.439189189189 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 703.8 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.615274596 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.227272727 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1818181818 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.09090909091 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.278703922769 0.218282227539 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0891058830329 0.0743258471296 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0981396052502 0.0701772020484 140% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.14039722508 0.128457276422 109% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.102712305502 0.0628817314937 163% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.51 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.