The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
In this argument, the arguer concludes that a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual’s levels of stimulation. To support this conclusion, the author explains that firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Also, the arguer indicates that firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations just like the rhesus monkeys. Moreover, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring is another explanation. However, there are several alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation about an individual’s levels of stimulation of rhesus monkeys.
First of all, one of the rival proposed explanations of the individual’s levels of stimulation of rhesus monkeys could be caused by growth rate instead of the birth order. Based on the different growth rates, the rhesus monkeys with faster growth rates would produce more hormone cortisol to their higher metabolism than the monkeys with lower growth rates. Also, there might be no relationship between the growth rate and the birth order. Sometimes, the younger one might grow faster than the elder one which would be able to produce more hormone cortisol.
Secondly, the proposed explanation could rival the explanation of the similarity of firstborn humans compared with rhesus monkeys in that this is a wrong analogy since humans and monkeys are different species. For rhesus monkeys, they are experiment samples, but humans cannot be taken in an experiment, therefore even though firstborn humans produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations, it could not represent the same situation with rhesus monkeys. Besides, humans somehow might have greater awareness and sensitivity even for infants.
Finally, the rival explanation for first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring during pregnancy is that the emotion of the first-time mother could be the main factor that lead to higher hormone cortisol since the fist-time mother monkeys are more excited than those who had had several offspring. As the emotion is cheerful, the hormone cortisol would produce more.
In general, the argument of rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation has three rival proposed explanations, which can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument, including different growth rates causing different levels of stimulation, a wrong analogy between humans and rhesus monkeys, and the exciting emotion of first-time mother monkeys produce the higher hormone cortisol.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 437 350
No. of Characters: 2359 1500
No. of Different Words: 161 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.572 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.398 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.633 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 203 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.133 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.388 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.733 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.423 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.626 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 629, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...r levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring is another explanatio...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 111, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...r levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring during pregnancy is t...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 328, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...monkeys are more excited than those who had had several offspring. As the emotion is ch...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, however, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, therefore, as to, in fact, in general, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2421.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 437.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.54004576659 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57214883401 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74934959145 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.400457665904 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 745.2 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 100.576781062 57.8364921388 174% => OK
Chars per sentence: 161.4 119.503703932 135% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.1333333333 23.324526521 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.8 5.70786347227 154% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.235067693003 0.218282227539 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.103743435301 0.0743258471296 140% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.118042571249 0.0701772020484 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154837733845 0.128457276422 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0951295862672 0.0628817314937 151% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.2 14.3799401198 134% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 33.58 48.3550499002 69% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.8 12.197005988 130% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.44 12.5979740519 123% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.36 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.