"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
This prompt talks about a group of developers who are willing to take a business loan to build their own jazz club in Monroe. They speak about why should they be handed the loan to open their club. They give several reasons by pointing out that there is no other club nearby, there are several renowned jazz musicians who live in Monroe etc. However, this argument is filled with flaws and assumptions which would make it difficult for the developers to have their own club.
Firstly, the developers are confident that all the local public would go to their C-Note jazz music club. Their reason for this confidence is that the other nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. Distance should not be their only concern. Because if they are considering this then it may be the case that the residents of Monroe have been visiting that jazz club from a very long time. They might love it so much that they would not even look at other clubs. The developers should consider this point if they want better business for their club.
Moreover, the developers have not provided any details about C-Note. They should provide details such as its ambience and what kind of jazz musicians would be invited to play at the club. They have also not provided the location of the club. For instance, if the club is situated in an area which is not liked by the residents of Monroe or if the ambience of the club is not very good and is very dull then the residents would not be interested in going the club. If the developers are neglecting these possibilities than it would harm their club’s business.
Speaking about the annual jazz festival, there over 100,000 people who attended the festival. But it is nowhere mentioned that all these people are residents of Monroe. It can be that public from various parts of the globe attended this festival and very few of them were from Monroe. Furthermore, the developers state that many well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe and ‘Jazz Nightly’ which is the highest rated radio program airs every weekday at 7 pm. This does not mean that Monroe’s residents will go to the club just because they are interested in jazz music or because the radio program is very high-rated. They may only like listening to jazz music on radios and would want to go to clubs where different kind of music is played, for instance rock or electronic music.
Thus, the developers should consider all these possibilities if they seriously want to take a business loan and want to see their business succeed.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 443 350
No. of Characters: 2030 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.588 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.582 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.28 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.095 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.392 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.519 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 152, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'other the nearest'.
Suggestion: other the nearest
... reason for this confidence is that the other nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. Distance sh...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 237, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...tance should not be their only concern. Because if they are considering this then it ma...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 97, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...bout C-Note. They should provide details such as its ambience and what kind of j...
^^
Line 5, column 123, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rovide details such as its ambience and what kind of jazz musicians would be inv...
^^
Line 5, column 467, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ld not be interested in going the club. If the developers are neglecting these pos...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, look, may, moreover, so, then, thus, well, for instance, kind of, speaking about, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 49.0 28.8173652695 170% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2088.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 443.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71331828442 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58776254615 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.35914220139 2.78398813304 85% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.437923250564 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 625.5 705.55239521 89% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.5820921977 57.8364921388 75% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.9090909091 119.503703932 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1363636364 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.45454545455 5.70786347227 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.372789103508 0.218282227539 171% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.129337951529 0.0743258471296 174% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0861861300937 0.0701772020484 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.226907811381 0.128457276422 177% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.104558052609 0.0628817314937 166% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.8 14.3799401198 75% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 68.1 48.3550499002 141% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.04 12.5979740519 80% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.91 8.32208582834 83% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 98.500998004 65% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.