"In a recent survey of college graduates, 90 percent agree that participating in an internship increased their chances of finding a job after graduation, but last year, only 40 percent of Linford`s graduating art students had completed an internship. SkyDesigns, located in nearby Linford City, is the perfect company for students to intern with for a number of reasons: They offer internships in all of their departments, so every student is sure to find work that they are interested in. Additionally, their internships offer flexible working hours. Finally, Skyway Designs is known for being one of the best in the design business, as over 80 percent of businesses in Linford City have used the services of Skyway Designs for their design needs. Given the vital role that work experience plays in a student`s success after graduation, we recommend that our art department require all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation."
The letter recommends art department to requre all art students to complete an internship with Skyway Designs before graduation. To support his conclusion, he cited various pieces of evidence. Although these pieces of evidence appear to bolster the argument, a meticulous analysis will show otherwise. So to make the argument more sound and persuasive, the author need to cite the following specific pieces of evidences.
First of all, the author presumes that Sky Designs is the only company in the city which offer internships in all of their departments. Perhaps, there might be other companies in the city which also offer interships in all of their departments. In this case, this suggestion doesn't hold water. Possibly, there might be other companies which has better learning environment than Sky Designs. One the other hand, the writer assumes that those student who are seeking for internship, they care about the flexibility of time. Possibly, the students may not care about the flexibility of time.
Second of all, the author has supposed that the location of the Sky Designs is favourable to all of the internship seeker. May be the location of a Sky Designs is not suitable for the students. Additionally, the author presumes the availability of the public transportation to the location ot Sky Designs is good or all of the student have their own private vehicles to commute. It is possible that despite the excellency of the company, there may not be good means to go regularly there.
Third of all, the author presumes that all of the students wants to be employed after their graduation. Possibly, the students wants to start their own business rather than being employed in a company. If it was the case, then the author's recomendation is unwarranted.
In sum, ther author's recommendation would be more persuasive if he had cited the above specific pieces of evidence. Without these pieces of evidence, I cannot convinced with the writer's conclusion.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 325 350
No. of Characters: 1608 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.246 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.948 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.752 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.105 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.261 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.526 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.329 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.581 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.156 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 276, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...artments. In this case, this suggestion doesnt hold water. Possibly, there might be ot...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 436, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this student' or 'those students'?
Suggestion: this student; those students
...the other hand, the writer assumes that those student who are seeking for internship, they ca...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 94, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...ion of the Sky Designs is favourable to all of the internship seeker. May be the location ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 128, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (May) must be used with a third-person verb: 'is'.
Suggestion: is
...le to all of the internship seeker. May be the location of a Sky Designs is not su...
^^
Line 7, column 40, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... Third of all, the author presumes that all of the students wants to be employed after the...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 179, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...f evidence, I cannot convinced with the writers conclusion.
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, may, second, so, then, third, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 11.1786427146 18% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1658.0 2260.96107784 73% => OK
No of words: 324.0 441.139720559 73% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.11728395062 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.24264068712 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8536884151 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 162.0 204.123752495 79% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 514.8 705.55239521 73% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.4314097362 57.8364921388 54% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 87.2631578947 119.503703932 73% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.0526315789 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.10526315789 5.70786347227 54% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0961701344972 0.218282227539 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0308980694853 0.0743258471296 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0430152014834 0.0701772020484 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0534903251051 0.128457276422 42% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0253761762968 0.0628817314937 40% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.2 14.3799401198 78% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.12 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.04 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 98.500998004 74% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.