Essay topics: Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrollment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The new student body is expected to reflect a much higher percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll. This will make the existing facilities inadequate. Moreover, the cost of health and recreation club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus students will find it much more advantageous to make use of the facilities on the campus. Finally, an attractive new recreation center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enroll at Tusk.
The argument that the Tusk University needs to build a new recreational facility to improve current services and attract new students seems logical at first. The author makes a valid argument, one that could be correct if its premises were true. However the conclusion relies on assumptions which there is no clear evidence and the author uses terms that lack definition.
First, the author assumes that the enrollment will double in the next 10 years based on current trends. In fact, the author needs more evidence to prove his claim and shows some current external changes that may lead to doubling the number of students and if so an additional recreational building is needed. Furthermore, the author assumes that to serve current students a new recreational building is needed. In fact the author needs to show that why equipping current facilities is inadequate.
Additionally, the author assumes that by building a new recreational facility more students will be attract to Tusk University. In fact the author shows no useful correlation between University facilities the number of enrolling students.
The author assumes that in the future when the health cost increases more students would prefer to make use campus facilities because its advantages. In fact, to strengthen this assumption the author needs to bring more evidence that indicates that the student think of the campus facilities advantageous and reliable beside the prices.
The notion that the university needs to build a new recreational building, the author needs to define the term “recreational building “ and by identifying its scope make the argument conclusion more clear. The conclusion requires more assumptions with more clear evidence. For example the argument could considerably be strengthened if the author provided evidence of a direct relationship between universities facilities and students satisfaction.
In conclusion, the writer would not necessarily be wrong that by equipping the university current students will be served better and it attracts new students. After all, most students prefer a well-equipped university rather than a small simple one. But to support the current conclusion the author first needs to define the scope of the problem more clearly and then needs to rely on proved assumptions with clear evidence.
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Full essay evaluations
flaws:
Need to focus on argument. Not well organized.
In GRE, we have to accept all data or evidence are true. It is important to find out loopholes behind surveys or studies. Loopholes mean that we accept all surveys told are true, but there are some conditions applied, for example:
It works for time A (10 years ago), but it doesn't mean it works for time B (nowadays).
It works for location A (a city, community, nation), but it doesn't mean it works for location B (another city, community, nation).
It works for people A (a manager), but it doesn't mean it works for people B (a worker).
It works for event A (one event, project... ), but it doesn't mean it works for event B (another event, project...).
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Let's analyze the structure of the statement and argue accordingly:
condition 1:
Tusk projects that enrollment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The new student body is expected to reflect a much higher percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll. This will make the existing facilities inadequate.
condition 2:
Moreover, the cost of health and recreation club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus students will find it much more advantageous to make use of the facilities on the campus.
conclusion:
Finally, an attractive new recreation center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enroll at Tusk.
then here goes the argument:
argument 1:
Maybe most students in the future are local students and they like to commute from home to school.
argument 2:
Maybe students consider other factors to choose university like the number of professors, laboratories, future jobs. A new recreational facility alone will not make great difference even though the cost of health and recreation club membership in our community has increased rapidly.
argument 3:
Other factors like specific services, professional coaches, and decent programs are also important for those athletically gifted ones to choose a school.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1926 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.291 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.841 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.412 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.055 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.417 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.645 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.124 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Pages