In the case the field of technologies are related with individual tasks, the attempts to promote the efficiency of individual prowess at working process is beneficial in virtue of that it would secure more time for workers. It is true that when people have more free time, they will have more opportunities to enjoy leisure. With this freedom, people will be able to experience diverse things and to meet new people without heavy burden of labor. The more leisure time can contributes to enhancing individuals' welfare. For example, with the development of technologies related with housework, such as laundry machine, many house workers have been emancipated from time-consuming and arduous tasks. And this emancipation has increased many individual women' welfare by allowing more their own time to enjoy leisure.
However, there are no reason to assume that people will spend their free time exclusively for leisure. People can take advantage of their free time presented by advancement of efficiency in different ways. We can think of many other cases that people would spend their time with other activities. For instance, many people may decide to unwind at home. On the other hand, there may be some people who want to use their free time with working or studying.
Moreover, the goal of technologies usually applied to the social field or environmental field should be something other than simply more leisure. Although the technologies used in the social or environmental filed also increase efficiency in various ways, the efficiency contribute to generate other values. For example, the development of technologies for military force would make the army more efficient organization. However, the efficiency is meaningful not because it secures more time for soldiers to enjoy leisure, but because it secures the safety of the people.
All in all, even though it is true that the advancement of the technology contributes to making more time for leisure to enhancing efficiency, we don't need to conclude that leisure should be the primary goal for the advancement of technology. Because, the free time gained by efficiency can be used differently saving leisure, and the efficiency in the other fields contributes to diverse purposes.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r free time with working or studying. Moreover, the goal of technologies usual...
^^^
Line 7, column 147, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...for leisure to enhancing efficiency, we dont need to conclude that leisure should be...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, moreover, so, for example, for instance, such as, it is true, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.5258426966 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.4196629213 121% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 14.8657303371 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 8.0 11.3162921348 71% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 33.0505617978 64% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 58.6224719101 85% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1893.0 2235.4752809 85% => OK
No of words: 359.0 442.535393258 81% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.27298050139 5.05705443957 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35284910392 4.55969084622 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86142256179 2.79657885939 102% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 215.323595506 79% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.473537604457 0.4932671777 96% => OK
syllable_count: 616.5 704.065955056 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 6.24550561798 64% => OK
Article: 7.0 4.99550561798 140% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.10617977528 64% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.77640449438 169% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.2370786517 84% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 23.0359550562 91% => OK
Sentence length SD: 48.7146908773 60.3974514979 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.352941176 118.986275619 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.1176470588 23.4991977007 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.35294117647 5.21951772744 122% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 10.2758426966 117% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 5.13820224719 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.83258426966 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.292673513849 0.243740707755 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.107587480456 0.0831039109588 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0402618380324 0.0758088955206 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.195039498962 0.150359130593 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0329383840017 0.0667264976115 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.1392134831 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.8420337079 85% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.92365168539 141% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.1743820225 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.29 12.1639044944 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.15 8.38706741573 97% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 100.480337079 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 11.8971910112 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.2143820225 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.7820224719 119% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.