Some say that because many people are living much longer. The age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is obvious that these days thanks to improving healthcare technology all around the world, people will be able to live much longer than before so government must be tried to take advantegues of this phenomenon. Therefor, there are two main reasons to prove that retirement age should be raised dramatically since not only decrease economical problems and living costs but also increase yield of companies by using invaluable experiences that are gained during work period.
First of all, people who are working in the certain fields at workplaces for long time, have a lot of worthwhile experiences as regards their jobs and positions in their companies that can not be overlooked easily because these persons are accounted as important resource of their companies. Companies should be used knowledge and experiences of their employees and try to adopt decent strategy to transmit them to young staffs which would never happen if companies decrease age retirement and do not pay more attention to how to use experinces of their staff who are retired. It is clear that increasing retirement age provide companies with golden opportunity to gain worthwhile knowledge and invaluable experiences through old employees and enhance their productivity and profit.
The other reason is that people who are retired from their work, have noticeable costs for their government since they have not any job and moreover they need several facilities like healthcare facilities and special places to spend their time there which will eventually lead to increasing costs of government and society while when companies decide to raise age retirment not only can reduce costs of government significantly but they also will be able to design new job for people who have important knowledge and help them to make money through expressing their knowledge .
On the other hand, as can be seen that this strategy has some disadvanteguse like increasing costs of companies and joblessness for young people who want to occupy certain positions instead old staff but the managers are aware of consequence of this strategy and they know that advategueses of it outweight of diadvantages so they prefer keeping old staff as important human resources to retiring them as soon as their knowledge as regards their positions increase.
In conclusion, I think that increasing retirement age is mutual deal for both old people and the governments and each of them can reap the benefits of consequences of this strategy because old people can find golden opportunity to offer their experiences to young people. More over, the governments will be able to decrease its costs.
Sentence: It is clear that increasing retirement age provide companies with golden opportunity to gain worthwhile knowledge and invaluable experiences through old employees and enhance their productivity and profit.
Description: The fragment age provide companies is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, past tense
Sentence: It is obvious that these days thanks to improving healthcare technology all around the world, people will be able to live much longer than before so government must be tried to take advantegues of this phenomenon.
Error: advantegues Suggestion: advantages
Sentence: Companies should be used knowledge and experiences of their employees and try to adopt decent strategy to transmit them to young staffs which would never happen if companies decrease age retirement and do not pay more attention to how to use experinces of their staff who are retired.
Error: experinces Suggestion: experiences
Sentence: The other reason is that people who are retired from their work, have noticeable costs for their government since they have not any job and moreover they need several facilities like healthcare facilities and special places to spend their time there which will eventually lead to increasing costs of government and society while when companies decide to raise age retirment not only can reduce costs of government significantly but they also will be able to design new job for people who have
Error: retirment Suggestion: retirement
Sentence: On the other hand, as can be seen that this strategy has some disadvanteguse like increasing costs of companies and joblessness for young people who want to occupy certain positions instead old staff but the managers are aware of consequence of this strategy and they know that advategueses of it outweight of diadvantages so they prefer keeping old staff as important human resources to retiring them as soon as their knowledge as regards their positions increase.
Error: diadvantages Suggestion: disadvantages
Error: disadvanteguse Suggestion: disadvantage
Error: advategueses Suggestion: advantages
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
Avg. Sentence Length: 42.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 22.205 7.5
You have the same flaws always. Are you going to change your writing style? Look at this sentence, it is one sentence, but it is for one paragraph:
'The other reason is that people who are retired from their work, have noticeable costs for their government since they have not any job and moreover they need several facilities like healthcare facilities and special places to spend their time there which will eventually lead to increasing costs of government and society while when companies decide to raise age retirment not only can reduce costs of government significantly but they also will be able to design new job for people who have important knowledge and help them to make money through expressing their knowledge .'
It is hard to figure it out.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 10 15
No. of Words: 426 350
No. of Characters: 2194 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.543 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.15 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.786 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 149 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 42.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 22.205 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.407 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.7 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.177 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5