The chart below shows rite expenditure on three categories with different proportions among residents in the UK in 2004.
The bar chart compares the percentage of spending by British on three different items in 2004. It is noticeable that the main residents’ expenditure is food and drink in most age groups, compares to other two categories. Overall, senior citizens were more willing to entertain themselves.
To be more specific, the proportion of family budget spent on food ascended steadily with age, except 25% in the oldest one. Similarly, the figures for entertainment presented a rising trend, and the data tops in 60-75 group, at around 23%.
As we can see from the bar chart, restaurant and hotel had a relatively lower figure and its figure reduced from age. It is interesting to mention that middle-aged people and the elderly tended to spend the same percentage of accommodation, with just over 10% respectively.
To sum up, the costs of people who are under 30 year old are most on restaurant and hotel and less on food and drink and entertainment. Citizens from 30 to 60 years old putted similar money on three different parts. People about 60 to 75 year old putted a lot of money on entertainment while older people putted most of money on food and drink.
the main residents’ expenditure is food and drink in most age groups, compares to other two categories.
the main residents’ expenditure is food and drink in most age groups, (which are) compared to other two categories.
flaws:
'the proportion of family budget spent on food ascended steadily with age, except 25% in the oldest one.'
why 'except 25% in the oldest one'?
not 'putted' but 'put'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 10 10
No. of Words: 199 200
No. of Characters: 926 1000
No. of Different Words: 119 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.756 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.653 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.715 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 57 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 39 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.224 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.3 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.659 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4